they run like the river, but not you.

another lyrical posto, off the fantastic
"there you are" by zayn. it reminds me
how fragile i can be, and how it's about
time i opened my heart up again.

we'll see.

and you, monsieur linguini, are no idiot.

another posto, this time it portrays my reaction
when people FINALLY comes up with an idea
that is practical, achievable and easy to understand.

not long left here now.

just saw the 1st trailer for next year's

avengers : endgame movie trailer!

it looks awesome, and heart-breaking.

can't wait to watch it, and here's a posto

based on the trailer. such a heartfelt

last message from tony to pepper.

ok. that explains a lot.

new knowledge or theories are always good.
specially ones that help you realize why
you're just a liiitle bit more weird than your family.

introvert reading about other introverts.

what i'm devouring at the moment.

write? right.

a surprisingly popular career option.

got word that an old friend has gone on
to retire early from the industry but went
ahead with his motorcycle business idea.

the darn guy actually pursued his dream!
and to think he put it off for years and years.
but he did it. i admire that. a whole lot.

which brings me back to when i was once
asked what would be my dream career,
and what would that passion be?

i told them i would love to write.

which is great, and they thought it's cool
and i should pursue it and i should go
and live out that passion on a daily basis!

well, truth be told i didn't tell them
the whole story. or what would
constitute a dream job for me;

to be surrounded by a gazillion cats
and be paid to eat fried chicken
or pizza or burgers or crap like that.

that would be awesome, in my book.

whatever that curve is called again.

got introduced earlier to a concept
of this something something curve.

it's similar to those stages of grief,
which is a series of personal reactions
one demonstrates when faced with grief,
and the journey one goes through
up till the point of acceptance.

...basically, how to be ok with all sorts
of crap that happens in your life.

i'm a data and analysis-driven person.
my opinions are formed by results,
as opposed to things that are vague
or theories that can't be backed by
technical work or solid proof.

or worst still, technical work that is
manufactured in order to fit that
vague theory in the 1st place.

anyone who knows me will attest
that i'll be the 1st one to accept you
if you take the time to do things proper,
be fair and transparent about it, and
make judgement calls based on that.

don't tell me, show me.
don't say it, prove it.
don't give me excuses, gimme solutions.

do all that, and not only will i agree
with you, i'd do everything i can in
order to make things work even more.

...but that's probably asking for too much.

too idealistic maybe, and perhaps i've
over-indulged in wishful thinking,
so maybe it's about time i embrace my own
version of the something something curve.
and here's how it would look like;

i'll keep you guys posted on how this goes.

who knows? maybe next time you see me i'll 

be in zen-mode. and be vegan and do yoga.

p.s. still undecided whether i regret today's

conversation or otherwise. we'll see. hehe.

something bout our exchange.

another lyrical posto, a second one
off the lovely "again" by kehlani.
acoustic songs are magical for me.

scary but strong.

strong miaw, despite looking like a moron.

being strong is over-rated.

everywhere i hear the mantra that you hafta be strong
and independent and you can stand on your own two feet
and you don’t need help from anybody.

which is fine, really.

but i’m of the opinion that it’s ok to ask for help,
it’s ok to be weak and vulnerable and at times,
it’s ok to show emotions, and be human about it.

…even if it means crying over sad movies.

however, there are instances when being strong
is not only under-rated, but downright necessary
for each and every one of us to strive to be;

…being strong when it counts.

when people around you need your help,
when things need to be done and you hafta step up,
and when you hafta endure things that others won’t.

that means people can depend on you when it matters,
people are able to feel secure and protected,
and people can take comfort in your perseverance.

being strong when it counts, now that is really something.
i think that it’s often over-looked and quite rare.
so in my eyes, that makes the person special indeed.

be thankful if you come across people with those traits.
it’s someone you can learn something positive from,
and i’ve been lucky enough to have known people like that.

…despite how scary and weird that person might be.

choose good anyway.

super miaw. very cute, 

but likely very miserable.

let's face it, being good sucks.

being good makes you miserable,
being good makes you lose everytime,
and being good makes you unhappy.

now, there's this famous saying in movies;
"with great power comes great responsibility"
and normally it comes in superhero movies.

and you know what? in a lot of those movies,
the superhero will care about everything
and everyone around him / her, and makes
great sacrifices, just so that everyone else
will be safe and will be taken care of.

but guess what? the hero / heroine is also
normally miserable, normally loses in one
or more aspects in his / her own daily life,
and in a lot of cases, is constantly unhappy
eventhough they have done good deeds.

does it sound familiar to you?

if so, that means perhaps you have also faced
difficulties in your life, and you had to go
through a lot, and you had to make sacrifices
or made a lot of compromises yourself, and you
might feel sad or unhappy or under-appreciated.

and you might feel miserable and it's unfair
that you have to take care of the whole world,
but the world doesn't take care of you.

now, is that such a bad thing?
does that make you a loser in life?
is it something really not worth it?

i think it depends on your intentions.

if you choose to lose when you can win,
if you choose to respect those who disrespect you,
if you choose to be kind to those who are hurtful,
and you do all those things for a good reason,
who do you think will be rewarded in the end?

in the end, i believe that in life we are tested,
and i also believe that if we do things with good
intentions, and if we value being good over bad,
and if we always remember the power of doa,
insyaAllah we'll be rewarded in one way or another.

so choose to be good.

in my eyes, it's the biggest strength someone
can have, it makes you my personal hero /
heroine, and it'll be worth it in the end, trust me.

out of the light of the sun.

another lyrical posto, off the beautiful
"give me a sign" by breaking benjamin.
dedicated to my brother, based on recent events.

50 dollars worth of chupa chups.

every now and then i come across a movie
that just touches my heart. this is one of em.
during a poignant scene towards the end;

"...during the abbasid dynasty, a man and his son
rode on a donkey. and once they reached the
town of qandahar, the people abused them.

they said; "...poor donkey, you make him
carry two fit men?...". so the father rode,
and the son walked.

but when they arrived at the next town,
people cried; "...look at this fellow, he drags
his young, defenseless boy through the desert
heat and he enjoys the ride of a lifetime..."

so in the next town, the son rode and father
walked. but people shouted at the boy;
"...you are young! you are healthy.
you make your elderly father suffer,
he is marching in the heat..."

so, together, the father and his son decided
to walk with their donkey. as they passed
through the next town, people laughed;
"...look at these two idiots, why don't they
ride their donkey?..."

and in every town, people criticized them.
in the end, the father said; "...stuff this!..."
and he and the boy carried the donkey on their back!

but we tie ourselves up in terrible knots
trying to live up to the judgement of others.
so, i will not carry the donkey on my back anymore..."

- the cleric, off "ali's wedding".

it's a fantastic, fantastic movie. i love it!

guess this is it. for real this time.

off the wonderful episode 16 of himym s9,
aptly titled "how your mother met me"

"...i was in love with somebody 
a long time ago and he died.

it's silly, but it's like the first lottery ticket
i ever bought was kaboom! jackpot!

and i'm pretty sure i'm not gonna win again,
not like that anyway, so i don't generally
buy lottery tickets anymore..."

- The Mother, played by cristin milioti

you'd be surprised how relatable and poignant that is.

3T#11

three things i learnt on my trip
back to muscat the other day;

1. english folk really do drink tea.
it's not a myth. and it's totally weird.

2. people who work in the gaming industry
can actually be normal and pleasant. 
instead of being trekkies or hipster wannabes.

3.  note to all mesians; going across the 
penang bridge can actually be a profound
lifelong experience. i'm not kidding LOL.

cheers vanessa!

and though i close my eyes.

re-watching the final season of HIMYM.
i find The Mother to be an absolutely lovely person,
and my fave part is when she sings on the balcony.

so here's a lyrical posto, from 'la vie en rose' by TM.

walau tak bisa mudah.

i absolutely lurveee afgan's vocals and ballads.
i think he is absolutely awesomeness, so here's
another lyrical posto off my new fave song; 'sudah'

character.

rexie cat. a miaw with character.

character. how would you define it?

i'm from that generation where if you wanted
something more, you had to work hard for it,
nothing came easy and fast, and that's acceptable.

we were never entitled to anything, we didn't
expect to be given this and that, and we certainly
had no problems taking the hard route to success.

so that's something i value highly; character.

i like people who don't take the lazy option,
people who when they are given the chance to
go down an easy but negative route, they decline.

they still find it in themselves to take a harder route,
to put in effort and make themselves better instead
of choosing to put someone else down, but more
importantly, to have a bit of understanding and
empathy and have a sense of humanity within.

someone with character is a testament to
that person's positive upbringing, the hardship
they went through and their will to be better.

and i've been fortunate enough in life to have
not only known people with character, but i
also have the privilege to call them my friends.

i hope it says that way.

boundaries is my middle name.

another lyrical posto, this time off
the lovely lovely lovely 'again' by kehlani.
she is awesome.

then i'll take of you.

a lyrical posto off the fantastic
'let me' by zayn malik.

bluntly authentic.

crispy fried chicken. very authentic to me LOL

authenticity.

restaurants tend to label themselves authentic,

that they have authentic (insert country) cuisine,

with authentic (insert country) decorations.

normally in reality it isn't 100% authentic anyway,

and the prices doesn't reflect any authenticity at all,

but in a way it's ok, because it works.

recently i've been made aware of a cultural habit;

that it's far more important to be polite with others

in order to retain the relationship, than to be honest.

in other words, don't be blunt. hold back your words,

and phrase it in a way so that the other party doesn't 

get angry or offended. maintaining relationships is key.

now, in a way that makes a lot of sense to me, because

after all, being polite and nice is a whole lot better than

being nasty. but personally i'd rather have someone be

blunt and honest with me. no point maintaining a 

working / friendly relationship if it isn't so honest right?

just like restaurants, it isn't authentic, but it works.

at the end of the day it's probably a personal preference,

and i wouldn't be less authentic to a friend out of politeness.

i guess to me it's just a bit weird, that's all.

it's almost as weird as having a middle eastern friend

who travels to another middle eastern country and visits

a middle eastern market eventhough she has one at home.

now THAT, is authentically puzzling to me.

practice practicality.

glasses on a cat. not exactly practical,

but hugely amusing nonetheless.

everybody needs a practical friend.

you know, the type who sees things in a practical way,
who's thought process is leaned towards pragmatism,
and who'll always see things as what they are.

now, the problem with over-thinkers like me is,
we tend to, well, over-think things. not because we want to,
it's just how we are as people, it's in our dna.

our biggest values are; to observe, to reflect, to feel.
whereas for practical people, their values often revolve
around; to do, to try, to physically work on things.

there's always pros and cons of being either, but the
biggest advantage of having practical friends is when
you're feeling down or sad or sorry for yourself.

...they snap you out of it.

they quickly pull you out of feeling miserable and
put you into practical or solution mode. and they help
put things into perspective for you.

if it's not your fault, why feel guilty?
if it's out of your control, why fret over it?
if it's just the way things are, why worry so much?
if it's gonna happen anyway, why feel sad?
if being sad doesn't help, don't do it.

in the end you start to see that the best thing to do
is to respect an outcome, accept it, and move forward.
in the end, we also have our lives to live, don't we?

so do yourself a favour and get yourself a practical friend,
even if it means one with weird habits like exercising as a
hobby, and someone who refuses to eat tasty office muffins.

it'll be worth it, trust me.

lepas itu konfem lenyap.

i absolutely love the song 'amboi' by altimet!
it's brash, it's hilarious, but it's true haha!
so here's something from your buddy nazmi;

"...baru buat DCA satu, terus boleh naik E2.
amboih. amboih.

baru first time dapat gaji, beli tudong ariani.
amboih. amboih.

cakap kaye sane-sini, pinjam duit pi obersea.
amboih. amboih.

baru gopren, bukan bini, belom pape mintak LV.
amboih. amboih.

amboih amboih amboih!..."

#NajmiRapsToo

it was so easy that night.

another lyrical posto, off one of my old faves,
the catchy 'about you now' from sugababes.

negatives, positives.

on a typical day, we would feel some
or even most of these things;

1. laughter and fun.
2. stress, so we need meditation.
3. we need help. or advice or guidance.
4. angry, disappointment or frustration.
5. thankful. for any good that comes our way.

in my opinion, this is the best way to explain
to our non-moslem friends, as to why we pray
5 times a day.

accentuate the positives, get help on the negatives.

hihi.

(my) love story of the day.

i've been requested to do my own version
of my own experiences when it comes to
love and relationships. so here it goes;

"once upon a time there was a girl.
first things were great and he felt happy
and content with life and she was normal.

and then she became psychotic.

the end."

there! and you're welcome, btw. LOL

amboih. dat escalated quickly.

ha. beruang ni ok je pakai baju pink kan?

now, the problem with insulting your frens
on a regular basis and having fun doing it,
is that once in a while your frens does the
same thing to you. and the worst thing is,
they'll use literally ANYTHING against you.

even if that thing has nothing to do with it.

contoh-contoh insiden demikian;

1. ha? ko penat? haaa tulaaa ko, tak reti-reti
nak bersukan. ko tu da la makin gemok aku 
nengok, makin pemalas plok tu kan?

2. ha? ko domam? haaa tulaaa ko, asek main
game je koje kat umoh tu. ce pi kuor buat
ektiviti-ektiviti yang pedah sket kat masyarakat?

3. ha? ko busan? haaa tulaaa ko tak reti nak
ngorat, kan lom kawen ni. pastu ske beno pakai
baju kaler pink kan? macam gay je aku nengok.

hmmmph. apekahhh ini? kot ye pon kan?

lindungi hatinya.

another lyrical posto, off the melodic
'teduhnya wanita' by the gorgeous raisa.

it roughly translates into the question of;
"...would you be able to live without a woman,
who prays for you every single time?..."

you need.

apple products and fancy coffee.

apparently things that you need.

i take great pleasure in being contradictory.

i'm not one to go with the flow or
to be in line with everybody else or
to be conformative because we have to.

now being this way has a lot of negatives,
but the one big positive i take being this way
is i'd be able to use it in necessary situations.

specially when it comes to problem solving.

if you have a problem, i wont say things just
to make you feel better or be in agreement
with everything you decide to do.

i'll be the one calling you an idiot, just to get
you crashing back down to earth, and i'll do it
regardless whether you agree with it or not.

and for the most part, i will not say things
that you wanna hear. matter of fact, i'll tell
you things that'll piss the hell outta you.

but i'll do it for a good reason.

i want you to snap out of it, i want you to
stop feeling sorry for yourself and i want you
to stop wallowing in sadness for a long period.

i want you to think of solutions. quickly.
and hey, i'd definitely get some fun from calling
you idiot and saying you're a moron muahaha!

i'm the heartless friend that will bring you down,
and i'm the evil friend that will hurt your feelings,
but i'm also that friend that is different.

...i'm the pragmatic friend that you need.

it never gets easier.

you'd think by now i've gotten used to it.
you'd think by now i can handle things.
you'd think by now i'd be immune.

leaving home again never gets easier.

my routine is such, that i finish packing
2 days in advance, so that leaves me with
the final 2 days just to centre myself.

i can lounge nicely on my sofa,
i can shoot some hoops in the court below,
i can (attempt) to swim in the pool,
i can take some more train rides for fun,
i can walk around kl malls to feel alive,
i can spend time with my folks,
i can watch malay dramas and tv shows,
i can eat whatever to my hearts' content,
i can laugh and have fun with my friends.

tomorrow morning depression sinks in,
tomorrow afternoon reality bites,
rest of tomorrow loneliness clouds me.

but at the end of the day it's ok,
i'm doing this because i want to,
and i'm doing this for those i love.

it's always better once i think it through.

it just never gets easier.

start of the day.

may your 2018 be as dashing as dis smart-looking miaw!

let's see, watched guardians of the galaxy
with mom, saw some firework displays at
midnight, and removed myself from whatsapp
groups i don't want to be a part of.

starting things on my own terms.
it's gonna be a good year ahead, insyaAllah.

happy 2018, everybody! hihi.