more good things to come this year.

forged, or written in stone.

let's face it, any kind of love story is cringy.

it's cringy for us to write or share about,
it's cringy for others to read about,
it's just cringy for everybody involved.

however, behind every cringy love story,
there is always a larger truth;

it's honest, it's heartfelt, it's horribly embarrassing,
it's terrifying, it's painfully heartbreaking,
it can be a striking reminder, or a healing method,
or something for us to learn and grow from,
or something for us to cherish forever.

now, some of my favourite stories are the ones
with a hint of adversary, where people need to
overcome the odds in order to be together. or not.

don't get me wrong, i love a happy ending just like
any other person, but i also know for a fact that
sometimes happy endings just don't happen.

but the thing about sharing adversary or going through
traumatic experiences together, is that we learn that we
can open up to someone else unconditionally,
and that will always result in a feeling or relationship
that is forged in stone. regardless of the outcome.

so yup, any kind of love story is cringy,
especially the good ones.

...and that's what makes it all the more worthwhile.

guess this is it. for real this time.

off the wonderful episode 16 of himym s9,
aptly titled "how your mother met me"

"...i was in love with somebody 
a long time ago and he died.

it's silly, but it's like the first lottery ticket
i ever bought was kaboom! jackpot!

and i'm pretty sure i'm not gonna win again,
not like that anyway, so i don't generally
buy lottery tickets anymore..."

- The Mother, played by cristin milioti

you'd be surprised how relatable and poignant that is.

we all were.

under normal circumstances, we'd be
happy if we are proven to be right.
but at times, that isn't a great thing.

currently reading an interesting book,
and this excerpt from it definitely
caught my attention;

"...two days later we were in a hall attending
yet another orientation talk. The Boy came up
and sat next to me. we had an awkward, whispery
conversation in an otherwise silent hall.

and the minute he asked for my number,
i was convinced that this was going to be
the big love story of my life.

i was right, only not in the way i would've
thought it would unravel and certainly not
with the ending i ever had in mind..."

from 'dumped', by amal nadiah ghazali

well, that hit close to home, and as much as
it deflates me, we also all thought that The Past
was our very own happy ending.

so yup, we were right in a way. we all were.

doesn't mean it should.

so people are going nuts over this
"ada apa dengan cinta 2" flick.
apparently it's about true love.

i quote;
kisah cinta apabila kita bercinta dgn soulmate.
you can put distance, madness, anger and
everything in between. but you can never
put an end to that love story.

here's the thing about soulmate-love-stories.
sure, i believe in love and in soulmates, and
sometimes love stories really don't end.
but sometimes common sense has to prevail.
it's nice to think love stories don't end.

...but dat doesn't mean dat it should.

months. even years later.

who knows what you might learn on the horizon. 

 
the thing about getting your heart broken,
and when you've broken someone's heart is,
there's always a zillion doubts in your mind.
 
could you have held on longer?
could you have had more patience?
could you have been a nicer person?

and that's just doubts about you.
flipping the coin, there's always doubt
about what happened to the other person.

are they ok? are their loved ones ok?
have they achieved their ambitions?
have they changed and are they better off now?

now, just imagine for a second,
that you're managed to find out
the answers to all those doubts.

and just imagine, if the answers are good.

that you have not ruined their lives,
that you have not ruined their family's life,
that they have gone on to reach their goals,
that they stayed true to who they are,
and indeed, they are better off now.

it's a massive, massive relief, to be honest.
you feel justified in a way, and you can
finally feel vindicated for parting ways.

they say things happen for a reason,
and at times you don't see the big picture
until months or even years down the road.

be thankful that the almighty has been
gracious enough to introduce people to you
and you have learnt enough from the
experience, and that you and the other person
has gone on to better things in life in the end.

alhamdulillah.

just a dream.

read an interview with susan williams
regarding the struggles and difficulties
leading up to robin williams' death.

what struck me were two things;
one, a celebrated actor was aware
of the future struggles about his health.

and secondly, she had this to say;

"...it's the best love i ever dreamed of.
you know, it's what i always dreamed of love 
would be, based on honor, love, respect..."

and she described him as her husband and
best friend, and she doesn't blame him
for what happened, and he was just a 'dream'.

i think that's awesome.

i'd definitely be.

this is what you get. 

 
if you like a nice, cozy, quiet life,
if you like jokes and lotsa humour,
if you want a boy to take care of,
if you like taking slow, peaceful walks,
if you want help to figure things out,
if you like to share stories and chat away,
if you love fast food and fried chicken fridays,
if you like things to be clean and organized,
if you love rewinding tv shows and movies,
if you like to read and write and ps4,
if your family means the world to you,
and if you don't mind having someone
who just craves hugs and your affection.

i'd be perfect for you.

yup. ahuh.

stuffing a whole jar of bubblegum in the mouth? 

yeah. been there, done that one too. 

 
continuing my current obsession with
the fantastic tv show 'community', here's
a sniplet of an interview with gillian jacobs.

"...and then i really love the episodes
where there is more of the sexual tension
between the two of us (jeff and britta).

i think there it's like ok, well in life,
you have people in your life that you
have tension with and you're attracted to,
but maybe you're not necessarily wanting
to be in a relationship with them, or you're
confused, you don't wanna be vulnerable,
you don't wanna expose yourself in a way..."

well, that's almost a classic example of
not knowing exactly what you're looking for,
but it's also an example of being very human.

yup. been there, done that.

evolve or preserve?

quite often when trying to decide
who to be with, you would at times
wonder who to choose and why.

there are always pros and cons about
each person, but what's also vital
is how they affect YOU as a person.

and i think that's nicely reflected
in jeff's quote during the finale
of season 1 of the show 'community'.

i quote;

"...slater makes me feel like i do
when i write my new year's resolutions.
she makes me feel like the guy i wanna be.

and britta makes me feel like the guy i am
three weeks after new years, when i'm back
to hitting my snooze button and screening
my mom's phone calls. back to who i really am.

so, do you try to evolve?
or do you try to know what you are?..."

so, which would you choose?

one step back, two steps forward.

read a fascinating story about a non-wedding.

imagine having prepared for your wedding.

ceremony, dress, invitation cards, catering,
dates, logistics & everything else under the sun.

...only to cancel it at the very, very last moment.

one can only comprehend what that means.

i can only imagine the anxiety and disappointment.
for both sides.

now, fast forward, it’s nice to learn that
things have not gone sour for both parties,
and things are back on a positive track.

you see, from those rather unfortunate events,

people can take some valuable time off and
take a step back to re-evaluate things.

what made it not work? what are the things

that were so disagreeable on? what aspects
can they both compromise and improve on?

learn to re-connect again, learn to be friends again,

learn to see what is important and what isn’t again,
and I really hope that things will heal.

and with luck, they might end up together.

…‘lost’ a wedding but gained maturity and perspective.

i respect that.

good luck s_orked!

fear.

my reading habit has come back.
did a bit of blog-surfing, and i came across
this intriguing chain of thoughts.

roughly translated into;

"...have you ever given any thought, as to
when you first fall in love with someone,
you develop a need to have strong
emotional connections to them, to feel what they feel,
to share their happiness and their sadness.

and in the end you are the one
who is further contributing towards
their next chapter of sadness..."

you know what? that thought makes perfect sense to me.

when relationships don't work out,
or is well on the way of not working out,
there is undoubtedly a lot of sadness.

in most cases, they are the source of that sadness.
but to be fair, in other cases as well,
you are the one who isn't right for them.

in my opinion, the only decent thing to do
is to end the relationship, let them live better lives,
and hope you are a sad chapter that has ended for them.

in sadness, nobody wins. so be the point that stops.

credit p_jomblo. kudos to you.
 

fickle me.

jodoh is fickle.

it's messy,
it's unorganized,
it's plain improper.

i know of friends who do the whole
flowers-candy-cards all the time,
only for things to crumble in the end.

and when he doesn't try so hard,
what happens then?
he meets his future wife.

and i know of friends who goes for someone,
aided by another friend for support,
only for it to be one-sided in the end.

and when the sadness and dissapointment
and dust finally settles down after a short while,
she ends up with a fiance and future husband.

and i know of friends who have never dated,
who puts everything else in their life first,
and doesn't even give a crap about love.

and the next thing you know,
she finds someone for the 1st time,
and years later they happily have 3 kids together.

jodoh. it's fickle
and messy and unorganized
and just plain improper.

...but it works.

sure! but maybe.

old habits die hard.

i always champion using your head
when it comes to deciding things in life.
particularly when it comes to relationships.

you have to seek excitement,
you have to seek a kindred spirit,
you have to seek compatibility.

remember the good old days?
when we were younger and carefree?
what did we base our hearts on?

we went for someone that we found attractive,
we went for someone who made us happy,
we went for someone out of pure, raw feelings.

now? we wonder if they have the same beliefs.
we wonder if they have the same ambitions,
we wonder if they fit into our vision for life.

i'm starting to think that this is a hindrance
rather than something that helps.
does anyone else feel the same way?

sure, we can expect someone to share beliefs,
we can expect some kind of level in ambition,
but can we fit into THEIR vision instead of ours?

if so, does that mean we're clouded
by our own expectations and hopes?
and does that make us selfish, i wonder.

perhaps it's time to throw caution to the wind,
to let ourselves go and follow our heart instead,
to take the huge risk, that's what relationships are.

...assuming they'll be as clean and organized at home.

see? old habits die hard.

drip.

one of my biggest fear in life
is to live my remaining days
without someone to love and hold.