point.

this is gonna be personal.

looking back at my life,
from when i was a boy till now,
it seems i had things all figured out.

ever since i was a kid,
i was on a railway to success.
had the right grades, the right drive,
had the right motivation,
the right love and support from loved ones.

then i missed a point.

see, i was always supposed to work somewhere,
grown up in that environment, seeing that logo,
mindset, setup, everything was right there
for me to fulfill, in my mind at least,
a place where i rightfully should be.

a point changed everything.
i didn't get the necessary grade to go there.
missed. by a single point.

and then my world turned upside down.
went to a uni i didn't plan on going to,
became lazy, became stupid, became an idiot.

and yet i graduated. barely, mind you.

so after a period of self pity, i started work
at a place i didn't plan to, found a setup that
didn't really meet my expectation at first,
generally felt like a huge failure at that juncture,
but decided to make the most of out it.

fast forward a few years, i found momentum.

i found enrichment, i found puzzles to solve,
i found respect, i found things to build on,
i found understanding that things happened for a reason.

so i went on to revolve my life around tangible goals.
and i've been fortunate enough to reach them.
culminating in the apartment i've always wanted.

everything else from there forth would be a bonus,
it was supposed to be my zenith, my end game,
the point where i finally can't ask for anything more.

but there was one huge flaw in my calculations;
i assumed at that point i would be content.
i would be happy to live the rest of my days
knowing full well that i am proud of what i've done,
and the only thing left was to maintain my life as it were.

i missed a point. i realized i wasn't content, you know?
i knew full well that there was nothing wrong with my life,
but at the same time, it wasn't the ultimate feeling either.

i wanted something different.

i wanted something different to wake up to,
something new to discover and wonder upon,
new puzzles to solve and new stuff to care about.

i just felt that, at 35, this would be my last shot
at doing something drastic to change my everyday life.
to finally see if there's more to life than what i thought.

and so that's why i'm here now.

i do not know if i made the right decision in coming here,
some days are better than others, as we would expect,
but so far, it's as different as i wanted it to be.

let's see how it goes here, shall we?