cukup sekali saja aku pernah merasa.

modified the lyrics, off my current song obsession
that is "kali kedua" by the wonderful raisa.

dating issue of the day.

i quite enjoyed the 8th episode on the latest
season of the big bang theory!

one, seeing sheldon being suave is hilarious!

and two, the story arc between raj and isabella
is an interesting one. would we date someone
who has a lower paying job than us?

and more importantly, would we be ashamed of it?

tip of the day.

life tip of the day / common sense for normal people;

when you have a solvable problem, solve it first
within you own capacity or capability.

transferring that problem to OTHER people
is NOT the way to solve it, tau tak.

president elect.

the asian dilemma.

PPAP.

ok people, since nowadays i am crazy over memes,
from now we have a brand new segment her,
appropriately called najmemes!

quote of the day.

saw this off the twitter;

"...my friends treat me like god.

they ignore my existence and only 
talk to me when they need something..."

dat REALLY made me laugh.

3T#9

three personal observations at work lately.

1. read this inspirational quote that goes;
"...the only way to know your limits
is to go far beyond them..."

i agree. which is why i'm still in bed
instead of being at work.


2. i noticed dat whenever i don't go home for lunch /
people have free time / i have lotsa crap to do,
people have a tendency to drop by and chat with me
about all kinds of stuff, work or otherwise.

as humbling as it is to have colleagues view me as
someone nice to talk to, sooner or later i'd probably
start charging for these instant therapy sessions.


3. was on the receiving end of a long lecture from
my health-conscious colleague about the food
and drink he sees me consume on a daily basis.

nothing like starting the week with not only
questioning your work performance, but now you
start questioning your life choices as well.

long term planning of the day.

yesss!!! 4 day weekeeend!!! let's see;

day 1 : do laundry, vacuum and mop apartment,
clean applicances, food inventory check, collect
and throw unnecessary items at home,
get car cleaned, do groceries & get pizza.

day 2 : wonder what to do from day 2 to 4.

perfect.

conclusive proof of the day.

things i've been asked in the past few hours;

"...mi, jom pi camping..." me : tanak.
"...mi, follow aku kour tabligh..." me : kose aku.
"...mi, jom pi dubai skali..." me : tanaaaaaak.

"...mi, ko nak pi pizza inn ak?..." me : okaaaaaay.

see? i'm not DAT anti-social, you see.

that's just how the cookie crumbles.

been thinking a lot lately.

i was always the kind of person that had things figured out.
i had this vision, this path, this trail i was gonna follow.
and for the most part, i think i'm coming close to the end.

thing is, i never envisioned how complicated it would be.

i never realized that you couldn't have everything you want,
or never realized that how far away you need to be to reach it,
or never realized how much you have to live without.

i guess in a way it forces you to realize what you want most.
or at the very least, what top things you want and the things
that you have to learn to let go or live without.

that's just life, i guess.

and as the creator of gilmore girls, amy sherman-palladino says;

"...disappointment makes you who you are in life; 
left turns make you who you are and you don't plan for those.
that's what makes you an interesting person..."

i couldn't agree more.

3T#8

3 things that made me laugh hysterically;


1. off the latest season of the big bang theory,
from leonard and penny's 'proper' wedding;

sheldon : why do people cry at weddings?

mom : they're practicing for what's coming later.


2. off the latest season of brooklyn nine nine;

captain : i've been researching ways to raise
morale and i found an interesting article in a
scientific journal.

sergeant : owwwh, was it from the american
journal of 'noone cares'?


3. after watching that wonderful PPAP
(pen pineapple apple pen) video, i have come
to the rather depressing conclusion of;

despite technology becoming smarter,
people have become even more stupid.

fact of the day.

despite how people might think that i
super hate traveling and all that le kan,
i always do go on a getaway spree.

i tell people to getaway from me.

hihi.

i take a step back and i breathe for once.

ok, admittedly the only reason i'm doing this
is because of lauren's super awesome vocals,
but this is from ''scared of happy'' by fifth harmony.

sniplets.

i'll write my mini hajj diary if i can,
but here are some advice i can share
regarding some personal observations;

1. you don't have to be kuat ugame in
order to go. the whole idea is to learn
and to become better afterwards. and
don't worry about not being able to jolly
pasni or kene jadi alim ke ape. you'd be
surprised how much better you'll be.

2. learn as much as you can beforehand.
start with fadhilat2 solat ke, fadhilat haji ke,
tambah lagi syok rasenye once tau.

3. stick with people yang berilmu ugame,
yang bleh sharekan kite amalan2 harian,
and yang bleh motivate and guide kite.

4. back to basics; blaja balek rukun solat,
maksud2 bacaan dalam solat, blaja solat2
sunat rawatib, hajat, musafir, dhuha,
tahajjud, tasbih, taubat, jenazah, isthikharah.
since mende yang paling banyak kite buat
adelah solat. Blaja balek care wuduk jugak.

5. kalu bleh, join kursus haji yang tabong haji
buat tu. rasenye the investment is rm70 to rm100
kalu tak silap. some people are known to pegi
tiap2 tahun walopun tak pegi haji dalam mase
terdekat. the more kite tau, lagi syok rase
untuk pegi haji dengan izin allah.

6. i have met people who kalu ikut logic akal,
memang susah sket atau sangat lambat nak
kumpul duit untuk pegi haji, and yet jumpe
kat masjidilharam and sesame bleh ibadah.
semuanya adelah dengan jemputan allah,
so never give up doakan dikurniakan rezeki.

7. in hindsight, i wish i had gone when i was
faaar younger. that way i probably could've
physically done more ibadah, and i could've
used more of my baki umur ni ke jalan allah.
nonetheless, alhamdulillah di atas semua
kurniaan allah, and for guiding me towards
something better insyaallah.

semoga diri, ahli keluarga, keturunan,
kekawan, dan semua umat manusia akan
dijemput oleh allah taala ke baitullah.

it is truly one of the most syok things
that you will ever get to experience.
amin.

clear.

i had doubts.

serious doubts, you see.
was i alim enough?
was i ready enough?
can i leave my life behind?
can i leave loved ones for good?

i had serious doubts about going for hajj.

and now i'm back.
no doubts, no worries,
clear objectives ahead from now.

alhamdulillah.

until then.

i'm gonna be off for a little hiatus,
it's an opportunity to improve myself,
and i'm greatly looking forward to it.

i'm not sure if i'll write back again,
most likely i will because i love to,
but you know, just in case i won't;

i just wanna say that writing has been
such a wonderful creative outlet for me,
it gave me a chance to share stories
and hopefully made your day as well.
i have loved every single piece from july.

and just in case, i used to write at
cleargoggles.blogspot.com and
veggiesnolikey.blogspot.com too

who knows, maybe it could be something
to share with friends and family and loved ones
for years and years to come.

...until then. i love you. always.

and i hate that you're far from me now.

i first came across will gittens on vine.
the video clips were short, but it was enough
to prove how fantastic he is as a vocalist.

and imagine my joy when i find out that
he is now an actual artist. so this posto
is off his debut single "a day with you"

 
will gittens. remember the name.

you can kiss my *ohmygod*

another lyrical posto, this time off
one of my guilty pleasure songs,
the whimsical "crash your party" from karmin

 

and they say.

and they say no one lives for themselves.

i totally agree.

do it for your loved ones. always.

and teach you how to get to purest hell.

another lyrical posto, this time off
the fantastic "just" by radiohead.
an awesome song from an awesome band.

 

suddenly i know i'm not sleeping.

another lyrical posto, this time off the
hauntingly beautiful "hello" by evanescence.

seek in the right channels and you will find.

i once went to the clinic and disagreed with my doctor.
why? i didn't feel the medication would help,
plus i did my own 'extensive' research online.

instead of arguing with me, the doctor just calmly said,
"...give this medicine a try, give it some time, and i
believe it will make you feel better in no time..."

and it did.

eventho i didn't want it to, because that would mean
all my bravado and my convictions were totally wrong,
and i was too embarrassed to admit it.

i learned that despite all my research, there is someone
else who has done far more, for far longer, and has
practiced medicine more than me. because my research
only covered a very small portion, therefore i didn't see
the bigger picture and the actual truth behind it.

so, if you have vindications about religion, put your
ego aside, take it forward to religious scholars, seek
the bigger picture and find the truth.

in the end, the doctor could've just dismissed me,
did what most people would do and say to me,
"...are you the doctor or am i?..."

but instead was nice enuff to see that i didn't know better.

SuCoNoP.

sentiments are always high when it comes to religion,
specially when it isn't in-line with how you are or
how you view things in life.

for example, if the message is "don't be a fecking
lesbian", then of course you would disagree with it
if you are indeed a fecking lesbian.

but here's the thing, the essence of religion is faith,
and as much as you may want to find 'facts' to say
and to prove otherwise, we still believe in heaven.

religion is about guiding you to be a better person.
instead of thinking something is wrong with religion,
maybe there's something fecking wrong with YOU.

you're the one that can improve. not religion.

doesn't mean it should.

so people are going nuts over this
"ada apa dengan cinta 2" flick.
apparently it's about true love.

i quote;
kisah cinta apabila kita bercinta dgn soulmate.
you can put distance, madness, anger and
everything in between. but you can never
put an end to that love story.

here's the thing about soulmate-love-stories.
sure, i believe in love and in soulmates, and
sometimes love stories really don't end.
but sometimes common sense has to prevail.
it's nice to think love stories don't end.

...but dat doesn't mean dat it should.

lesson of the day.

be mindful of spraying dat starch thingy
and straightaway ironing your black
or dark coloured pants.

it makes it look like you have smudges
of white stuff. all around specific parts
of your pants dat you really don't want to.

...trust me.

technicality of the day.

i'm always one to encourage dialogue.
but sometimes the dialogue i'm
aiming for, doesn't quite happen.

me : ok we're done. but before we go off
for the weekend, i'll allow one question
from any of you. ask anything you want.

colleague : how come ure not married yet?
is everything normal?

me : i meant, ask me anything technical!
and everything is normal, don't worry.

so dere. nothing like having your sexuality
questioned, during a technical discussion.

party up.

so i'm told by not supporting isle in the next
sawak elections, dis means dat i am not
memperjuangkan isle di sawak.

i disagree, bcos dere's plenty of kegiatan dakwah
and membantu oghang isle kat sawak dat remains
very active. get in touch with majlis islam or baitulmal.

and dis is politics. in politics, you vote based on who is
capable to create practical change. and to expect parti isle
to be the majority in a state where the majority are
non-moslems? well. hmmm.

if people are really ikhlas, and you really wanna
perjuangkan isle, just get involved with dakwah or
programmes dat help people or donate to good causes.

you don't need to be in a party to do good things.

3T#7

three things i've observed over the past two weeks;


1. whenever matsleh shows up in a flowery shirt,
he is considered to be metrosexual, and is trendy.
and whenever i do, i'm considered to be homo.

...double standards. hmmmph.


2. some of us take pride in being very isle and yet
like to ask hal nape tak kawen lagi, which,
by definition, is something that depends on ketentuan.

...rase diri sangat solehin, tapi cakap macam tade iman.


3. been watching these discovery channel shows about
the mysteries of lost civilizations and stuff, but for me,
the bigger mystery is when a long lost fren contacts me.

...and starts speaking to me cakap omputeh.

bear with me.

bear. not bear, but bear. 

oh well, you know what i mean.

i'm just having one of those days.

i've been feeling this way for a while now,
and ubik knows exactly what i'm talking about,
but here's something really fecked up about me;

i sometimes feel i don't deserve good things.

being me, i always find it far easier to accept
and rationalize when bad stuff happens to me,
and most of the time i always feel thankful
and i super appreciate the good stuff that happens
in my life, be it family, friends, work, whatever.

...i just don't feel deserving, sometimes.

my head tells me that being grateful and feeling
deserving are two totally separate entities, and
maybe that's just how i justify to myself why
it's ok or it's normal to feel this way, and maybe
it's the best way to handle things like this.

and of course, it may not be the case,
and i might be totally 100% wrong and
i could end up being in trouble for this.

but anyway, i can only be honest about how
i feel about it, and maybe it would make sense
for me to explore WHY i feel this way.

one big reason is probably because i am highly
aware of the bad stuff i've done in my life, be it
intentionally or not. no, it's mostly unintended.
(well ok, this could also may not be the case and
once again maybe i am in huge denial).

the point is, maybe it's easier to rationalize that
each bad stuff happens is indirectly a result of
me having done bad stuff to others in the past.

the other big reason i think, is because i have
been so used to working and trying so hard,
only to be unappreciated in my efforts, or not
being recognized for it, or not being financially
rewarded for it, one way or another.

it's like fighting tooth and nail, for so little.

so in the end, when good stuff happens, i end up
treating it as a 'delayed reward', or i treat it as
a life lesson that if i worked hard enough,
things will work out eventually, or i treat it as
'bad stuff made me grow into someone better'.

which is true. do i believe it? yes.
am i grateful to allah for it? absolutely.
but do i deserve it? hmmm...

fecked up thinking, i know.

so, i'll think of it this way; even if perhaps
i don't deserve it, this means only one thing;
allah has been wonderful enough to me,
to shower me with wonderful life lessons
and wonderful rewards, tangible and otherwise.
and this also means that i owe it to everyone
that i love to keep improving myself as a person.

syukur alhamdulillah.

p/s : thanks bik for the brainfeed.
i can always count on you for some sense,
despite the fact you are sucky. haha!

(ok. sorry!) of the day

so my weekend starts, and out of boredom
i get into this rather heated debate with
apis and zedi in one of our whatsapp group.

then to cut things short (no doubt because
i was winning), they stop me and went;
"...ko ni mi, byk soal plok. mlm jemat ni..."

oh ya. sooorrrrrry.
forgot they had better stuff to do.
bloody married folk. LOL.

there's noone else like you.

here's an inspirational quote posto,
when terry crews went on the ellen show,
i just loved his message that, the truth is,
when we are just ourselves, there's noone
else like us! i love that message.

 

3T#6

i just got word about the whole 15k hantaran thingy.
it wasn't as shocking as we would normally expect,
but still very unnecessary and annoying to see.

my three thoughts regarding that whole debacle


1. it isn't abnormal to see hantaran figures now
as being a bit over-the-top and excessive. after
all, everyone lives in an instagram world, kan?

specially when one (or both) sides want to have a
fancy ceremony in fancy venues with fancy food
and fancy clothing and fancy wedding cards and
fancy gifts and fancy wedding photoshoots, etc, etc
and that's even BEFORE getting komen2 mokcik*

thing is, if you can't afford to get hitched, don't.


2. one thing that stood out was the logical difficulty
for that groom to raise 15k. apparently he earns 1.5k,
so it doesn't take a genius to figure how tricky it is.

if you really want to be with that person, and that
person is sincere to you, then don't make life miserable.
because there's nothing worse than letting go of
something dear, just to satisfy a ceremony craving.
is it really worth sacrificing happiness?

thing is, be reasonable. or be sorry.


3. for this couple, my personal opinion is, both families
never wanted it to succeed. you'll always find a reason
if you don't want it to work. kalu da tak suke tu kan...

now, the most important point of all, and do take note,
is that religion upholds the sanctity of marriage, and
makes it as simple and sensible to let it happen.
5 things; bride, groom, wali, 2 witnesses, ijab & qabul.
that's all it is. it REALLY is as sensible as that.


thing is, life is simple. people make things complicated.


* komen2 mokcik = ayat2 mokcik kat kenduri that are
horribly unnecessary and designed to criticize EVERYTHING,
regardless of whether it makes sense to or not.

support of the day.

scan your inbox. someone's future might be there. 

as much as i can be sentimental at times,
there are times where i feel it's necessary
to put emotions to the side and be pragmatic.

i'd like to send out a plea for those who have
emails from employment agencies in oil and gas.
please send them to your friends or ex-colleagues
who have been affected by the recent oil slump.
the quicker they apply for it, the better.

we know that competition is currently rife,
and there is no guarantees we'll get somewhere.
but let's give things a shot first, ya.

so to those we know who were affected,
they don't need our sympathy right now.
they need a bit of support. and a bit of help.

so please help out. as much as you can.

conviction of the day.

have self-conviction. and hold your head up high. 

i don't recall where i read this,
but it's something which i believe
should be a large part of who we are;

"...i would rather be hated for i am
than loved for who i am not..."

have conviction in yourself. always.

that's cool.

so leo dicaprio finally won his oscar.

sure, i might be a bit biased, because
"the beach" just happens to be my fave book,
and i think "inception" was brilliant.

but here's the reason why i think he's cool;

"...i've been very lucky to have achieved
a lot of the things i dreamt of achieving
as a young man.

but, at the end of the day, and i truly believe this,
it's not about achieving great wealth or success.
because the don't bring happiness ultimately.

they really don't.

what matters is whether or not you fulfulled
the idea of having lead an interesting life,
whether you have contributed in some way
to the world around you..."

yes. i think that's cool.

just see.

colosseum. yup. still there. 

well, what else happened since last year?
ah yes. the oil price collapsed.
and lotsa people in our industry lost their jobs.

as recent as 2 years ago, anyone who worked
in our industry were doing fine, managed to live
decent lives and were highly regarded.

...and now all of a sudden we're pariahs.

i believe the technical term is "high risk" clients,
which basically means banks and financial agents
saw us as liabilities all of a sudden, and run away.

it's funny how under normal circumstances, there
would be endless phone calls and emails to us about
financial offers and other money-making schemes,
and how easy it was for us to get bank loans and car
loans and personal loans, due to our "status".

oh well, that's now down the drain.

but in a perverted way, it's a nice welcome, because
now we get to know who are genuine towards us,
who are the people or institutions that are really
behind us when times are bad, and yes, thank god
noone bugs us anymore about bloody offers.

so far, i am one of those lucky ones who survived.
for now. but i am fully aware that it can change,
and my faith goes to my colleagues worldwide,
i hope they would be able to keep taking care
of their families and loved ones for the time being.

to put things into perspective, have faith that the
oil price and market bounces back in the next few years,
and once that happens, we'll bounce back. easily.

looking at the colosseum, it is located smack in the
middle of rome, and despite how ancient it is, it's still
there, and to make things better, the area around it
has fortified and has bloomed into a great city.
the colosseum might have fallen, but rome has grown.

and that's how we will be. we'll be back. just see.

months. even years later.

who knows what you might learn on the horizon. 

 
the thing about getting your heart broken,
and when you've broken someone's heart is,
there's always a zillion doubts in your mind.
 
could you have held on longer?
could you have had more patience?
could you have been a nicer person?

and that's just doubts about you.
flipping the coin, there's always doubt
about what happened to the other person.

are they ok? are their loved ones ok?
have they achieved their ambitions?
have they changed and are they better off now?

now, just imagine for a second,
that you're managed to find out
the answers to all those doubts.

and just imagine, if the answers are good.

that you have not ruined their lives,
that you have not ruined their family's life,
that they have gone on to reach their goals,
that they stayed true to who they are,
and indeed, they are better off now.

it's a massive, massive relief, to be honest.
you feel justified in a way, and you can
finally feel vindicated for parting ways.

they say things happen for a reason,
and at times you don't see the big picture
until months or even years down the road.

be thankful that the almighty has been
gracious enough to introduce people to you
and you have learnt enough from the
experience, and that you and the other person
has gone on to better things in life in the end.

alhamdulillah.

it's you.

another lyrical posto, an ol' favourite of mine,
from the cool "stuart and the avenue" by green day

yup. it certainly does.

hellue people!

nope, i have not dissapeared.
nope, i am not going through some kinda crisis.
nope, i have not given up on blogging.

i've just been lazy.

plus, i've gone against my principles
and re-signed up for facebook. and lemme just say,
facebook has been said to be one of the reasons why
people have stopped jotting stories and stopped writing
and it certainly kills off any notion of blogging.

yup. it certainly does.