"...why would you deposit money in a sperm bank?..."
- alex, from 'happy endings'.
Monday 23 September 2013
Tuesday 10 September 2013
balls of wisdom of the day
as much as i have huge respect for people who are responsible,
i hope they realize one key thing about responsibility;
being responsible doesn't mean you have to be responsible for everything.
...trust me.
i hope they realize one key thing about responsibility;
being responsible doesn't mean you have to be responsible for everything.
...trust me.
you a baller?
off the bbc site; apparently there are studies going on
that scientifically links a key element in family men
versus men who do not gravitate towards parenthood.
...the size of their testicles.
that's right folks! if you have big balls, you're more likely
to hump everything from people to goats to statues,
but smaller balls means you're more dad-like.
and since i'm very much a family person,
my counter-argument is that these bloody scientists
just wanna tell the whooole world that the reason
they are married to bloody science instead of their wives
is because they have huge, juggly, man-balls.
...the term "family man" has a whooole different meaning now.
that scientifically links a key element in family men
versus men who do not gravitate towards parenthood.
...the size of their testicles.
that's right folks! if you have big balls, you're more likely
to hump everything from people to goats to statues,
but smaller balls means you're more dad-like.
and since i'm very much a family person,
my counter-argument is that these bloody scientists
just wanna tell the whooole world that the reason
they are married to bloody science instead of their wives
is because they have huge, juggly, man-balls.
...the term "family man" has a whooole different meaning now.
hello? gillette?
so, apparently a samad said has indicated
that he is rather unhappy with the burden
of having a rather fancy title bestowed upon him.
just in case you don't know who he is,
he's this really old guy who writes poetry
and maybe screenplays and maybe commercials,
and used to spend the time before smayang jemat kat klcc
sitting down in that hut, maybe munching on peanuts.
anyway, a few weeks ago he courted controversy
because he recited some weird poem or something,
while having some weird flag of malaya behind him.
...yeah, i dunno what the old bugger was up to either.
anyway, because of that, he now feels that the title
wahai sasterawan negare bestowed upon him is a burden,
because it confines his space for alternate and expansive views.
well, first of all, i hope he realizes that some of us don't even
give a crap about his weird poem and that weird flag,
and secondly, i think he should focus on a much bigger burden;
...that bloody beard of his.
that he is rather unhappy with the burden
of having a rather fancy title bestowed upon him.
just in case you don't know who he is,
he's this really old guy who writes poetry
and maybe screenplays and maybe commercials,
and used to spend the time before smayang jemat kat klcc
sitting down in that hut, maybe munching on peanuts.
anyway, a few weeks ago he courted controversy
because he recited some weird poem or something,
while having some weird flag of malaya behind him.
...yeah, i dunno what the old bugger was up to either.
anyway, because of that, he now feels that the title
wahai sasterawan negare bestowed upon him is a burden,
because it confines his space for alternate and expansive views.
well, first of all, i hope he realizes that some of us don't even
give a crap about his weird poem and that weird flag,
and secondly, i think he should focus on a much bigger burden;
...that bloody beard of his.
rightfully kind.
read an article last night about allowing small things slip.
you know, since everyone makes mistakes and
we really don't have to be spot on, all of the time.
it's better to to point out strengths rather than weaknesses.
it's better to encourage rather than to put down.
it's better to educate than to punish.
...be kind, rather than be right.
i think that's pretty good advice.
you know, since everyone makes mistakes and
we really don't have to be spot on, all of the time.
it's better to to point out strengths rather than weaknesses.
it's better to encourage rather than to put down.
it's better to educate than to punish.
...be kind, rather than be right.
i think that's pretty good advice.
McFeck.
this is a fish. that's right, if McD says so.
first of all, if you're gonna put sauce on a fecking bager,
put chilli sauce, tomato sauce, black pepper sauce, whatever.
instead of putting some fecking sweet-sour sauce as if it's bloody fish.
secondly, if you're gonna label something as a rib,
then at least make sure it really IS a rib,
instead of insulting people's intelligence by using a rib shaped chicken.
and come to think of it, it doesn't even look like a bloody rib.
it looks EXACTLY like the prosperity bager. so why call it a rib?
somebody in McD's really should have his / her ass fired.
and finally, i'm told that apparently this McRib
has been around in the states for a while,
only for it to be introduced here afterwards.
ya, that means the americans have found out
that it tastes like crap, so obviously they do the white thing
and decide to sell em to us fecking asians instead kan?
McEatSomethingElse.
Monday 9 September 2013
matter-of-fact lyrics of the day
went into this shop the other day,
and this catchy pop song was playing.
what caught my ear was the lyrics that went like;
"...what's your name? what's your number?
do you have a boyfriend?
you look like you need one!..."
WHAT THE FECK?!!
how on earth would someone LOOK like
they need to have a boyfriend?
how on earth does someone come to that conclusion?
*guling guling gelak*
and this catchy pop song was playing.
what caught my ear was the lyrics that went like;
"...what's your name? what's your number?
do you have a boyfriend?
you look like you need one!..."
WHAT THE FECK?!!
how on earth would someone LOOK like
they need to have a boyfriend?
how on earth does someone come to that conclusion?
*guling guling gelak*
go away or we dab you with lipstick!
a trio of teenage american gals are running around
doing good deeds here and there,
and helping out people who have "illnesses".
...only difference is they're teen exorcists.
yup. while other teens are spending time on the beach,
playing sports of having picnics in the park,
these teenage gals run around performing exorcism.
and it made me smile when i read that they
believe that the harry potter movies has ruined society.
...better make sure they never watch twilight, then.
oh no, it was done by ONE person! working ALONE.
poor moslems.
as long as you're moslem, however wrongly radical,
or have misai jambang macam hutan amazon,
then if some alleged "attack" happens, then ALL moslems did it.
but if you happen to be a non-moslem,
like that christian norwegian who clearly gunned
down lotsa people in a park for no reason,
it was "an isolated case, done out of clear
insanity on the part of the individual".
WHAT THE FECK IS DAT ALL ABOUT?
so if some christian or hindu or buddhist or scientology person
guns down lotsa people for no reason, then it's a solitary case.
but if, god forbid, an "organized planned attack" was
somehow "linked" to some guy who just "happens" to be moslem,
then it's clear that it's all part of some fecking global movement.
i miss the days when the bad guys were the italian mob,
radical groups from ireland, japanese yakuza,
as well as the ultimate "axis of evil", the USSR government.
...it made much better tv viewing.
as long as you're moslem, however wrongly radical,
or have misai jambang macam hutan amazon,
then if some alleged "attack" happens, then ALL moslems did it.
but if you happen to be a non-moslem,
like that christian norwegian who clearly gunned
down lotsa people in a park for no reason,
it was "an isolated case, done out of clear
insanity on the part of the individual".
WHAT THE FECK IS DAT ALL ABOUT?
so if some christian or hindu or buddhist or scientology person
guns down lotsa people for no reason, then it's a solitary case.
but if, god forbid, an "organized planned attack" was
somehow "linked" to some guy who just "happens" to be moslem,
then it's clear that it's all part of some fecking global movement.
i miss the days when the bad guys were the italian mob,
radical groups from ireland, japanese yakuza,
as well as the ultimate "axis of evil", the USSR government.
...it made much better tv viewing.
humanitarian stance of the day
it's lovely to see american politicians
crying foul over alleged syrian chemical attacks.
and that it, well, "crossed the line".
that's funny, noone said anything when they nuked japan.
crying foul over alleged syrian chemical attacks.
and that it, well, "crossed the line".
that's funny, noone said anything when they nuked japan.
pengajaran of the day
wahai sume pompuan2 mesia;
it's ok to date and marry westerners,
australasians, and to a certain extent, bosnians.
...just make sure you don't abuse their sperm.
it's ok to date and marry westerners,
australasians, and to a certain extent, bosnians.
...just make sure you don't abuse their sperm.
olympic fact of the day
future olympians
so the japanese won the bid to host the 2020 olympics.
now, all that joy and happiness is fully understandable,
but you DO foresee what i can foresee kan?
that's right folks; radioactive nuclear shit.
two major things will happen;
the medals will all be the same colour due to radioactivity,
but more importantly is what happens to the athletes.
...they'll all turn into blue muppets.
Wednesday 4 September 2013
in fact.
ever had days when you feel
that you don't have much to look forward to
and you don't even know why you're here?
i certainly do. increasingly, in fact.
that you don't have much to look forward to
and you don't even know why you're here?
i certainly do. increasingly, in fact.
over-generalization of the day
i half find it amusing that the world nowadays
is filled with all sorts of over-generalizing,
despite it clearly being a huge misconception.
top five in my list includes;
1. moslems = terrorists.
2. indonesians = maids.
3. mesian indians = gangsters.
4. mesian chinese = sex bloggers.
5. thais = prostitutes.
see? clearly wrong.
is filled with all sorts of over-generalizing,
despite it clearly being a huge misconception.
top five in my list includes;
1. moslems = terrorists.
2. indonesians = maids.
3. mesian indians = gangsters.
4. mesian chinese = sex bloggers.
5. thais = prostitutes.
see? clearly wrong.
the bigger waste of money is showing that face.
other than a face that screams "slap me!",
lee guan eng has another super trait;
being fecking annoying.
yesterday he commented that the
"tanda putera" movie was a complete
and utter waste of money.
i get his point.
if they made a movie about fecking chairman mao
and some kind of fecking chinese dynasty
that noone gives a crap about, it'll be all ok.
what a beeeyoaatch.
lee guan eng has another super trait;
being fecking annoying.
yesterday he commented that the
"tanda putera" movie was a complete
and utter waste of money.
i get his point.
if they made a movie about fecking chairman mao
and some kind of fecking chinese dynasty
that noone gives a crap about, it'll be all ok.
what a beeeyoaatch.
boobs? check. shaved head? check.
and what is it with gal celebrities?
it's like super scripted;
1. start off as the next girl pop sensation.
2. have a fairy tale fling with some celebrity dude.
3. have some kind of a breakup / mental breakdown.
4. show boobs on tv and shave head. preferably at the same time.
5. blog about their bloody sex lives even though they're skinny-assed and fugly.
6. resort to drugs and rehab and feature on "celebrity meltdown" shows.
7. get convicted in court for stealing / slapping paparazzi / violating parole.
8. kembali ke pangkal jalan.
9. write songs about 'getting stronger' and 'rising above it'.
10. getting shit rich. all over again.
...maybe we're all in the wrong line of work kan?
it's like super scripted;
1. start off as the next girl pop sensation.
2. have a fairy tale fling with some celebrity dude.
3. have some kind of a breakup / mental breakdown.
4. show boobs on tv and shave head. preferably at the same time.
5. blog about their bloody sex lives even though they're skinny-assed and fugly.
6. resort to drugs and rehab and feature on "celebrity meltdown" shows.
7. get convicted in court for stealing / slapping paparazzi / violating parole.
8. kembali ke pangkal jalan.
9. write songs about 'getting stronger' and 'rising above it'.
10. getting shit rich. all over again.
...maybe we're all in the wrong line of work kan?
ye takpelah. saye ikhlas ni. betol saye cakap ni ha.
what is it with drama mayu?
lately the trend is to have these drama mayu
bejiwe keugamaan, with pecintaan antare benua
or pecintaan di negare arab / padang pasir somewhere.
and the best part?
when the guy gets a close up and says to the girl;
"...tape, ini kan tanggungjawab saye sebagai insan se-islam..."
YEAH RIGHT.
mentang-mentang laaa minah tu comel gile,
tetibe je tanggongjawab sesame muslimin kaaan?
ha cube kalu minah tu tak hot lansong and rupe cam beg plastik.
ADE KERRR NAK TANGGUNGJAWAB SESAME INSANIAH?
yeah. thought so.
lately the trend is to have these drama mayu
bejiwe keugamaan, with pecintaan antare benua
or pecintaan di negare arab / padang pasir somewhere.
and the best part?
when the guy gets a close up and says to the girl;
"...tape, ini kan tanggungjawab saye sebagai insan se-islam..."
YEAH RIGHT.
mentang-mentang laaa minah tu comel gile,
tetibe je tanggongjawab sesame muslimin kaaan?
ha cube kalu minah tu tak hot lansong and rupe cam beg plastik.
ADE KERRR NAK TANGGUNGJAWAB SESAME INSANIAH?
yeah. thought so.
impression of the day
a colleague of mine was really surprised
to see that i had lots of rock as well as
lots of hip hop songs on my playlist.
and i mean, REALLY surprised.
...i wonder what that implies.
to see that i had lots of rock as well as
lots of hip hop songs on my playlist.
and i mean, REALLY surprised.
...i wonder what that implies.
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