(over)rule of the day.

you know the 5 second rule right?

you know, it's the one where apparently
it's ok to pick up and eat the food that you drop,
as long as it didn't lie there for over 5 seconds.

now, i do not know how scientifically accurate
or how proven this 5 second theory is, but i
think it's safe to assume one thing, people;

if you dropped it in mud, the rule doesn't apply.

...you know who you are. haha!

logic of the day.

what my course instructor said last week;

"...i tend to go by simple logic.

if it goes quack quack!
and it sounds like a duck
and it looks like a duck.

i'd tend to believe that's a duck..."

it's brilliant. i love it!

3T#5

three things i observe regarding my married friends;

1. if she wants to get something done, and the husband
is super reluctant (or, in her words, degil nak mampos)
to do, all she needs to do is mention the thing over and
over and over again. after which, he will give in and do
it, either because of love or he wants her to shut up.

...either way, she wins. EVERY single time.

2. if your friend starts doing outdoor chores for an
unreasonable amount of time (6 hours instead of 1),
or you find him mowing the lawn tengah panas terik,
or all of a sudden he starts painting fences and crap,
this doesn't mean he's super interested in DIY.

...gadoh ngan bini le tuuu.

3. if for some reason the wife and kids go travel
without him, and he finds himself being alone for
even the shortest amount of time, you'll find that
he has no idea what to do with himself when he
should be doing ANYTHING he wants now.

...see? this proves that having a wife makes you lose
your free will and sense of logic. despite being a
fully grown man at this point in time.

(modern) problem if the day.

just imagine if you will,
showing up to work / class one day
and finding out there's no wifi.

horrible, isn't it?

this massive problem and it's
magnitude is demonstrated in
this conversation on 'community';

abed : the wifi is still broken.
frankie : what happened to good morning?
abed : it's a bad morning. no wifi.
jeff : yeah, we really need wifi.
frankie : ok, let's not get carried away, we NEED oxygen.
elroy : we HAVE oxygen, we NEED wifi!

see? modern day problems.

there's no innocent one in this game for two.

after seeing a gif of ariana grande
saying 'sorry' and boogying to a song
during the recent AMAs, i simply HAD
to find out what the song was, so here's a lyrical
posto of that really catchy song by justin bieber.

oh, and just in case you're wondering here's that gif

logical avoidance of the day.

just send me pictures, ok. tengkiu.

this happened a few mins ago.

guy : nazmi, do you go camping here?
me : nope.
guy : why don't you go camping?
me : erm, because i don't like it.
guy : but have you gone camping here before?
me : nope.
guy : then how you know you don't like it?
me : i don't have to jump into a big fire
to know that i won't like it, right? same thing.

see? i'll say anything logical just to avoid the outdoors.

kihkih.

at least it was here.

another lyrical posto, from the theme song
to one of my fave tv comedies; "community".
if you haven't seen it, please watch!

star quality.

picture perfect. 

i go into super nerd mode when
i watch the discovery channel,
and i remember an episode about
our lovely little solar system and
all the space exploration we're doing.

just think about it, we've spent years
and years trying to find a planet
that has the suitability of earth,
where the conditions would be
ideal to support human life.

and when we examine our solar system,
we would find that the distance between
earth and the sun is so ideal, that it's far
enough to not burn us all to dust, and yet
close enough to support life on earth.

the conditions, the distance. is perfect.

subhanallah.

just a dream.

read an interview with susan williams
regarding the struggles and difficulties
leading up to robin williams' death.

what struck me were two things;
one, a celebrated actor was aware
of the future struggles about his health.

and secondly, she had this to say;

"...it's the best love i ever dreamed of.
you know, it's what i always dreamed of love 
would be, based on honor, love, respect..."

and she described him as her husband and
best friend, and she doesn't blame him
for what happened, and he was just a 'dream'.

i think that's awesome.

easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

saw this lovely post from kai regarding
how tricky it can be to answer some of
life's hardest questions. simple but hard.

well, obviously i hafta give it a go!
who better than to answer life's
simple but complicated mysteries, ya?

Q1 : what is love?
A1 : love is having something to believe in
and to cherish every single day of our lives.

...excellent start so far!

Q2 : how do you achieve peace?
A2 : by ignoring political and tabloid
websites, and just focus on making your
life and your families' life better.

example : kalu asek nengok website
sepeti mesiakini tu kan, memang tiap
ari rase nak tampo je gomen skang ok.

Q3 : what is your biggest regret in life?
A3 : not paying more attention in add math
and organic chemistry and generally all
4 plus years back in uni. had i done so,
i would've been far smarter than what
i currently am. skang macam buduh sket.

example : when i went back to high school
to get my transcript, i remember meeting
my chemistry teacher and when i told her
i was gonna study petroleum, she said;
"...really? but you suck in organic chem!..."*

Q4 : what makes you happy?
A4 : the small things, really. i can literally
find amusement in ANYTHING. and yes,
i mean ANYTHING. i like funny stuff.

example : my colleagues are always saying
"...you are always smiling and laughing.
was wondering, are you mentally retarded?..."

Q5 : who you became today, is it the person
you saw in your dreams 10 years back?
A5 : nope. quite frankly i thought i'd be
hitched and madly in love by now. but on
a happy note, i love my hairdo nowadays!

example : sewaktu mule koje, i alternated
between having mop hair and botak. now
i just love my modified mohawk. hihi!

so there. tricky life questions made easy.

...easy peasy, lemon squeezy! LOL

* note : well, she didn't say that EXACTLY,
but in my mind that's what she meant, ok.

oh marion.

it's not exactly the best movie ever, 

but the dialogue is gold, trust me. 

 
it's not the biggest surprise on earth
that amongst all the traits that i enjoy,
sarcasm and comedic timing are #1.

that also applies to movie heroes.

forget about suave and muscles
and nicely tailored suits, gimme
a movie hero that is bloody hilarious.

and 'snow' from the movie 'lockout' is one.

here are some of the stuff snow says;

guy : who was the mystery man on the phone?
snow : his name was fuck you.
guy : really?
snow : yeah, he was asian.

guy : i don't like hurting you, snow.
snow : is that why you're having him do it?
guy : i can have rupert bludgeon you all night.
snow : i'm being beaten up by a guy called rupert?

girl : so what do i call you?
snow : you know what? don't call me.
girl : what's your name?
snow : snow.
girl : snow?
snow : yeah. or sir. you can decide.

and my personal favourite;

girl : who are you? who sent you?
snow : your old man did.
girl : my dad. what did he say?
snow : well, i didn't get to meet him personally.
he kind of delegated your rescue.
he had a big conference on the corn surplus.
girl : you're kidding me.
snow : no, no, apparently we should all be eating more corn.
girl : about my father!
snow : oh yeah, i made that other bit up.
girl : did he have a message for me?
snow : yes. you're adopted.

and there's more in the movie! please watch it.

great example of the day.

i'm a huge fan of dave grohl.

to those who don't know the guy,
he's the current frontman for foo fighters,
and he used to be the drummer for nirvana.

yup, THAT nirvana.

so imagine what a rock n roll star
would do once they become famous
and he started to get lotsa money?

"...when nirvana became popular,
i didn't blow all my money on
coke and hookers, y'know.

i was just like;
oh my god i can get a bigger grill,
this is great!..."

i totally respect that.

i'd definitely be.

this is what you get. 

 
if you like a nice, cozy, quiet life,
if you like jokes and lotsa humour,
if you want a boy to take care of,
if you like taking slow, peaceful walks,
if you want help to figure things out,
if you like to share stories and chat away,
if you love fast food and fried chicken fridays,
if you like things to be clean and organized,
if you love rewinding tv shows and movies,
if you like to read and write and ps4,
if your family means the world to you,
and if you don't mind having someone
who just craves hugs and your affection.

i'd be perfect for you.

if you need someone to write breakup songs about.

another lyrical posto,
off the fantastically catchy
"perfect" from one direction.

you're driving me away.

another lyrical posto,
this time off an ol' fave,
''walking away'' from craig david.

 

frustration of the day.

illustrasi perasaanku sewaktu insiden menyayat hati tersebut.

being around nice and polite people is good,
however, for someone who enjoys mischief
and inappropriate jokes like me, it's frustrating.

for example, we have regular team discussions
and every now and then, we are encouraged
to share stuff and general knowledge.

so in one of these said discussions, i decided
to share a rather useful (well, i thought it was)
and eye-opening knowledge about humans.

i shared that adult humans generally have 206
bones in the body, but sometimes for some
of us, it turns into 207, and that's called a boner!

*cricket sounds* 

nobody got it, and i was the only one laughing.

frustrating, i tell you.

yup. ahuh.

stuffing a whole jar of bubblegum in the mouth? 

yeah. been there, done that one too. 

 
continuing my current obsession with
the fantastic tv show 'community', here's
a sniplet of an interview with gillian jacobs.

"...and then i really love the episodes
where there is more of the sexual tension
between the two of us (jeff and britta).

i think there it's like ok, well in life,
you have people in your life that you
have tension with and you're attracted to,
but maybe you're not necessarily wanting
to be in a relationship with them, or you're
confused, you don't wanna be vulnerable,
you don't wanna expose yourself in a way..."

well, that's almost a classic example of
not knowing exactly what you're looking for,
but it's also an example of being very human.

yup. been there, done that.

small indulgences.

even a simple box can be an indulgence. 

i'm a firm believer in indulging yourself.

learn as much as you can,
work hard, work your ass off,
earn loads, and indulge yourself.

...then do it all over again.

one of my role models is andy weir.
for those who don't know, he wrote
'the martian'. yup, the movie is from it.

he has a day job (forgot what it was),
and he wrote parts of the book as a hobby,
posting sniplets on his website, for people
to read for free. and then interest grew,
so he started posting on another website.

but since he can't post things there for free,
he decided to charge the minimum (99 cents),
just so his readers are able to continue,
then the scientific community got involved,
giving him feedback and ideas regarding
the scientific facts he wrote about, so the book
became more and more realistic and accurate.

and now 'the martian' has become a worldwide
bestselling novel, and as you know, it's been
made into a movie starring matt damon.

so you can just imagine the royalty paychecks
and just how his life must've changed, now
that he has become famous and successful.

and you know what? he actually did indulge
himself, but not in a way you would expect;
he gotten himself an actual martian meteorite!

and this is what i read about him. i quote;

"...for someone who has won his equivalent
of the lottery, his indulgences so far seem to
have stopped with his martian meteorite.

his home in mountain view is a two-bed 
maisonette he rents from a friend.

there is a life-size cutout of buzz aldrin
in his spacesuit on the wall leading upstairs.

shelves stacked with board games and bottles of 
spirit (apparently hosts game and cocktail parties),
and just enough room for his two much-loved cats.

'...it's close to all my friends and family,
and i don't really need much more than this...',
he says, adding that although the royalty 
cheques are really big right now, 
he doesn't want to rely on them continuing..."

i think that is an excellent example of success.
it's achieving what you dream of, getting rewarded
for it, indulge yourself a bit, and keep grounded.

i respect that.

STMNS#5

#5 one thing by one direction

"...i don't, i don't, 
don't know what it is,
but i need that one thing.

you've got that one thing!..."

erm, so you have no idea
what you need so much of,
and what on earth is the one thing?

i hope they're not referring to a d&#k.

yup. it's sprouting up nicely.

where i am as of today. 

10 weeks after re-shaving my head bald
and already my mohawk is re-growing.
lately i'm happily able to start combing it!

yup. old habits die hard. hihi.

shine upon me as i come undone.

another lyrical posto, off the lovely
''mean ol moon'' from the lovely amanda seyfried.
she sings in 'ted 2'!

evolve or preserve?

quite often when trying to decide
who to be with, you would at times
wonder who to choose and why.

there are always pros and cons about
each person, but what's also vital
is how they affect YOU as a person.

and i think that's nicely reflected
in jeff's quote during the finale
of season 1 of the show 'community'.

i quote;

"...slater makes me feel like i do
when i write my new year's resolutions.
she makes me feel like the guy i wanna be.

and britta makes me feel like the guy i am
three weeks after new years, when i'm back
to hitting my snooze button and screening
my mom's phone calls. back to who i really am.

so, do you try to evolve?
or do you try to know what you are?..."

so, which would you choose?

you're the one.

let's face it, life is often unfair.

there are times when you find
that, for one reason or another,
someone's problem become yours.

and i know that it's frustating
and i know that it's tough
and i know that is is unfair on you.

but, another way of looking at it is,
problems come to you because you
have the capability or patience or
capacity or knowledge or skill to
be able to alleviate the situation.

i believe that things happen for
a good reason and be thankful
that it came to you, rather than
to someone else that may not be
as responsible and may make it worse.

you're the best person to help.

so help out. as best as you can.

it's garbage. but wait. hmmm.

everyone has role models, right?

they can be good, they can be bad,
but all in all, you would have people
who you view to be role models.

unfortunately, the main role models
for people today are people who
live glamorous lives and they are
famous and they are good-looking
and they are super duper rich.

we live in an instagram world now,
where everyone wants to live in mansions,
drive fancy sportcars, have shopping sprees,
spend lotsa time lounging in beach resorts,
and hook up with gorgeous guys and girls.

as much as i disagree with this as a
measure of success and how we ought to
aim to live our lives, the reality now is
everyone dreams of being like them,
looking like them, and acting like them.

...like the kardashians.

and now i am told that you can do this
online quiz, answer a bunch of questions,
then you can know which kardashian
that YOU are most likely to be. which is
great. because then you can be happy
that you have lotsa things in common
with your favourite kardashian role model.

what a load of crap!

oh, and i'm kylie btw. hihi.
this means i also love rita ora,
prefer to watch america's next top model,
and view humour as the best and
the most important trait in a sibling.

which is cool because according to lotsa
people, kylie is the coolest kardashian
and it's great because i am cool as well!

oh no. now they've become MY role models!

yikes.

lesson number one.

i've always wanted to teach.

it was always a closet dream
for me to be able to teach and
mould the mind of kids or youth.

of course, that never happened
and i took a different path from teaching,
plus for those who know me very well,
they might also argue that i SHOULDN'T
be allowed to bully teach kids anyway.

however, in my line of work,
i usually have opportunities to teach
and guide people, so i'm happy with that.
plus nowadays, i am officially a coach
as part of my jobscope, so yeay!

we had this meeting earlier today
amongst us coaches and management,
basically just to give feedback and share
our expectations and experiences so far,
and i enjoyed the technical discussions.
on top of that, i was happy to share a few
of my personal tips on coaching or teaching.

you see, i'm much more interested in the
human aspect of being a guide. sure, the
technical stuff is super vital, specially as
we're in a technical industry,  but i feel
that the human aspect of it is the key.

so here's my key tips if you're coaching;

1. be their friend. or at least get to know them.
- get to know them as people and take an
interest in their lives. this way you build a
positive relationship with them, and more
importantly, it cultivates friendship and trust.
over time, you'll want the best for them.
 
2. communicate, communicate, communicate.
 - always be in touch. from now on, you are
their 'therapist', you are the person that
they know they can talk to about whatever.
once that happens, they'll be comfortable
to share their concerns and ask you questions.

3. be honest.
- the reason for the first two points, is so that
you are able to honest with them, and vice versa.
it's easy to praise and be encouraging, but having
an honest relationship with them means that you
are able to criticize or be stern, for their own good.

4. boost the good, work on the bad.
- i like to build confidence, so once i know
what their interests are, plus their strengths
and weaknesses, i always like to give them tasks
that they are good at, build some confidence,
before giving them harder stuff to improve.

5. be human, be yourself, and have fun.
- nobody knows everything, so it's no harm
to let them know you are human too, and
you also make plenty of mistakes as well.
stay true to your(goofy, weird, funny)self,
and for god sakes, have fun. always!

so those are my top tips, i believe work
is already a serious matter, but that doesn't
mean we can't have fun on a daily basis.
and to me, helping to guide others is one
of the funnest things that you can do.

so teach, you'll find you learn a lot too!

we could build a universe right here.

another lyrical posto, from a cool up and coming
artist. this is from ''uncover'' by zara larsson.

'and when did you plan to tell me?' of the day.

now, there are certain things, specially
knowledge, that you really ought to
share with your dear friends le kan.

so, it's rather evil to let your friend
suffer trying to get his fried chicken done,
when all this while you were fully AWARE
that the chicken would be dipped TWICE
in the egg and flour batter and mixture.

hmmmph.

(everyday product) issue of the day.

issues are part and parcel of life.

there are small issues, big issues,
and then there are everyday product issues;
like the issue of getting a normal toothbrush.

when i'm looking for a toothbrush,
all i want is a normal, uniform, simple,
understated, super functional brush.

i do not want fancy toothbrushes with jagged
edges and multiple levels of brushes and
ones with tongue cleaners and angled handles
and ones that have rubber for your gums
and ones that is battery operated and so forth.

GIMME A NORMAL TOOTHBRUSH DEMMIT.

hmmmph.

exasperation of the day.

now, i'm the type of person
that gets easily excited about
you know, random stuff.

so i often find it exasperating
when others don't seem to have
that same level of excitement
and intrigue and wonder about
certain, you know, random stuff.

for example, today we get an email
telling us that there's this ethnical
musical group who's gonna come
and make a special performance
over at the clubhouse.

and so here i am gushing about it
and i turn to my colleagues and go
''...yo dudes check it out! a band!..."
but instead of being excited about it,
they go, "...ya, so what for you happy?..."
and of course i point the obvious and go
"...it's the number one congolese band
all the way coming from tanzania!..."

*cricket sounds*

hmmmph.

it's not that i would actually GO
and watch the performance from
the number one congolese band
from tanzania, but at the very least
you would feel excited about it le kan?

sigh. i dunno, maybe it's just me.
or maybe there is a faaaaaar
easier and valid explanation.

...you guys suck.

sekiantimekaseh.

may yours be stronger.

some of you might have known what happened
to me over the weekend. well, not to me, but
something could've happened to my parents.

they say that your faith is never truly tested
until you are faced with a situation that pushes
you towards fear, hopelessness and desperation.

...it pains me to admit that i have failed. miserably.

i realized it didn't take much for me to worry,
it didn't take a lot for me to get agitated,
and it didn't take long for me to feel desperate.

i now know from experience, we always mean well
and we'd like to think that we have good faith and
we always place hope in our religion and beliefs,
but you never really know how deep your convictions
are and how patient you can be once things go bad.

the best thing i can do now is to work on myself.
i don't know how much i can fortify my beliefs,
but at least i know i can give it a shot.

may your convictions be stronger than mine.

sorry, i just had to! of the day.

the smarter iKettle. 

just like something else that's smarter than you.

now here's something new for you!

there's this wonderful new kitchen product
that you can control using your phone
and it's aptly named the smarter iKettle!

so other than boiling water remotely, it also
tells you when your hot water is ready, tells
you when to refill, and tells you when it's empty.

hmmm, if you think about it, it's basically
something that you have at home, telling you what
to do, when to do it, and how to do it right.

...sounds like a wife, doesn't it?

hahahaha! ampuuun ampuuuun!

but even if that's true.

another lyrical posto, off the very catchy
''nobody compares'' by one direction.

 

bitch slap of the day (part 2).

being an avid gamer, i was pleased
to explain to my colleague that i have
spent over 150 hours playing dragonage 3.

and his response to that?

"...instead of playing games nazmi,
imagine all the baraqah you will get
from 150 hours reading the quran!..."

OOOOOOUUUCCCHHH!

karma's a bitch, really.

bitch slap of the day.

"...snoop doggy dog, you 
need to get a jobby job!..."

- snoop's dad in the 'gin and juice' video.
that really made me laugh!

amboih banyak cantek of the day.

sori ekkk aku termakan ayam goreng ko tadi.

kosong-kosooong k! amboih.

have you ever noticed that
whenever kite bermaap-maapan,
we always say '...kosong-kosong ek!...'

but more importantly, have you noticed
that the person that always says that first
adelah pihak yang membuli oghang tu?

i mean, mentang-mentang laaa die buli kite
pastu time raye ke ape ke, die je yang cepat
mengassume yang kite maapkan die ok.
padahal dalam ati, memang rase nak sekeh-
sekeh je kepale oghang yang berkenaan tu.

kosong-kosong. huh! LOL

sekiantimekaceh.

small steps.

who knows? perhaps this pokcik has

achieved more in life than we ever will.

personal success, i feel, is not over-rated
but is often misinterpreted in ways
such as having money, belongings, power.

i think that's a pity.

i believe that if you become a better person
and you are able to positively influence
those around you, that is personal success.

and i believe that if you have made something
good out of yourself, despite having gone
through so much hardship in your life,
then it is something for you to be proud of,
and that too, is a measure of personal success.

trust me.

(embarassingly) the best ever.

i love online questionnaires!

the other day, i came across this
questionnaire regarding what we
think are the greatest songs ever.

my votes, by category, went to;

1. best pop song ever -
"she loves you" by the beatles.

2. best rock song ever -
"smells like teen spirit" by nirvana.

3. best hip hop song ever -
"hip hop hooray" from naughty by nature.

4. best r&b song ever -
"end of the road" by boyz II men.

5. best dance / electronica song ever -
"like a g6" by far east movement.

6. best country song ever -
"you're still the one" by shania twain.

7. best (your nationality) song ever -
"isabella" by search.

so there. based on those votes
i think we can conclude that i do
not actually listen to dance music
and the only reason i voted for it
is bcos minah dalam video tu hot gile ok.

and it also shows how shit old i am.

sekiantimekaceh.

take it.

i think whoever came up with the preface
"...don't take this the wrong way, but..."
is an absolute friggin' genius.

i mean, it's hugely satisfying to use it
because you can get away with almost
anything, simply because it's a disclaimer.

so the person on the receiving end
is left in limbo, because in a perverted way,
they aren't in a position to retort, because
if they do, then the implication is that they
have mistakenly taken it the wrong way. 

for me, the best usage is in the form of;
"...look, don't take this the wrong way,
but i think that you are an asshole..."

but you know, you should take it the wrong way.

...absolute genius, i tell you.

i think i'm doing ok.

another lyrical posto, slightly modified
from staind's fantastic ''so far away''.

decision (berkilat) of the day.

yes. this looks familiar.

you know that feeling of,
when you know something is a
bad idea but you do it anyway?

i shaved my head.

last time i ran around bald everyday
was probably about 4 years ago, so
i had my naruto hairdo for 3 years.

...and now i regret it.

i miss waking up looking like an ewok,
i miss using hairwax and sikat rambot,
and i miss pakai shempu bebanyak.

it'll grow back. i hope. berkilat ok.

never. and always.

it was never about me.

despite my playfulness and child-like brain,
and despite me being immature most of the time,
i've always had responsibilities instilled in me.

despite being comfortable and well taken care of,
as a kid i've always observed and been taught
the value of money, and what it takes to bring up
a whole family and how lovely it is to grow up
in a supportive and loving environment.

in my heart i always knew how blessed i am.

sure, i've always wanted to be what i am now
and i love what i do for a living, and i have been
fortunate enough to be able to earn a good living,
but my deepest ambition in life was to be able to
take care of my parents and my sister.

nothing drives me more than being able to be in
a position where i can make sure that they can
be comfortable in life, and my objective in life
is to love and take of them, the same way they have
taken good care of me all throughout my life.

so ever since i've started working, all my decisions
and all the risks i've taken was done with their life
and their future in my sights. sure, i plan for myself
as well, but alhamdulillah the successes i've achieved
and the help i can give so far, it's made me happy.

from my personal experience, there is nothing more
fulfilling than to be able to live your life for something
greater than yourself and more than for yourself.

it was never about me. it'll always be about them.

believe in good.

what do we want from our lives?

is it wealth, health, fame, success, power?
there's nothing wrong with wanting all that,
but there is something more fulfilling.

doing good, and making a difference.



it'll all be worth it, trust me.

(horribly) useful advice of the day.

ruginye laaa aku tadek beruang ted ni ha.

 

i'm a huge fan of advice,
both in giving and receiving em.
and the other day zedi told me this;

"...hal kawen ni mi, mesti rugi.
once ko da kawen nanti, one of
these things will surely happen;

samade ko rase rugi tak kawen dari dulu,
ataupon ko akan rase rugi gile sebab kawen.
so in both cases, akan rugi macam mane pon..."

ermmm, thanks a lot man, thanks a lot.
that's possibly the best non-advice
i have ever received in my whole life haha!

squeezed out happiness.

it's easy to guess that i'm someone who
finds it almost impossible to not find
amusement in even the most mundane things.

hence my kpi this week at work is to
use this term as much as i possibly can,
and to see how people respond to it;

"...easy peasy, lemon squeezy!..."

wish me luck, people.

previously on edge.

another lyrical posto, slightly modified
off ''man on a wire'' by the script.
and i love the video! credit epa.

and just when i needed you.

when technology fails us,
it has a tendency to not just do that,
but it also causes a big egg on our face.

take this message i sent to my colleague;
because of the really tight deadline,
i thought of pointing out how unrealistic
it was to have things done this week.
and so i wanted to type;

"...that's a really big ask of you..."

and you know what actually came out?

"...that's a really big ass of you..."

mane laaa nak letak muke aku ni ya allaaah!
dear autocorrect. just when i needed you.
haish!

points ke tempat yang kodi.

here are some of my points,
sekirenye anda jugak merupekan
oghang yang pi tempat yang kodi;

1. always go for the aisle seat.
there's nothing worse than holding
your pee in while you wait for the
person next to you wakes up.

2. the worst ever time for your mp3
player to hang and fail you is on
a long-haul flight. let's face it,
noone wants to listen to the in-flight
music selection, i.e aretha franklin.

3. never, ever think about your loved
ones when you've reached the departure hall.
wait until you've reached your destination.
you'll actually scare the bejabbers out of
everybody if you start crying dalam hall tu ok.

4. once you've reached your destination,
assuming you arrive during the day, immediately
keep yourself busy with chores, like cuci baju ke,
lipat baju ke, tetibe nak try masak ikan goreng ke,
so that you don't get depressed meninggalkan kl.

5. if all else fails, do what i do. immediately
check your calendar and public holiday, and
straightaway buy your self a ticket home for the
next trip. that way, you'd have something super
duper to look forward to!

sekiantimekaceh.

raya reflect.

5 things i've observed during this year's raya;

1. presence is the present -
being present is the best thing you can give.
kalu kite teliti, your family members only
need you to be there, listen to their stories,
share your thoughts, have long long chats,
share lotsa jokes. just, be there!

2. happy starts with you -
whether you realize it or not, how happy
your family is for the day depends on you.
you have the power to create a nice
atmosphere by being patient, and by
taking a light-hearted approach to things.
everyone wants to have a positive day,
so make sure you're the happy spark!

3. make the best out of things -
let's face it, sometimes things just don't go
the way we planned it to, so the best thing
to do is to just make do with what we have.
with a bit of luck, things might be better!
allah knows what's best for us, kan?

4. take pictures and lotsa wefies -
god knows i'm a selfie person, but i'd
like to point out how important it is
to take lotsa pictures with family and
friends. trust me, it's heartbreaking to
not have pics of loved ones who have passed.

5. nothing beats home -
you can go live and work in all sorts of
places all around the world and tell
yourself that you have succeeded. but hey,
we all know deep down that despite all
that, nothing beats being back home!

sekiantimekaceh!

mata merasa yang sebaliknya.

another lyrical posto,
i love the slow opening verses
of ''sampai mati'' from hazama.

all set.

everything looks all set for the big trip.
by this time tomorrow i'll be on my way home.
excited doesn't even begin to describe it.

...until then.

miskol.

being away, there's always a couple
of things that i miss about fasting
kat kolumpo tesayang kite ni ha.

here's some stuff that comes to mind;

1. param (pasar remdan, for those yang tatau)

uish ramainye oghang kat param ni hihi.

this is the second best reason for me time pose kat kolumpo.
rase sangat sonok bleh ronde memacam param yang ade.
it isn't just a food survey, it's an event!

2. which brings us to the best reason ever, FOOD!

ya allah sedapnye rupe mutabak dageng ni!

uisssh sedapnyeee apam balek. nak satu! *slurp slurp*

so dalam bebanyak makanan yang sangat sodap yang dijual,
my menu wajib merupekan mutabak dan apam balek.
uish sedapnyeee, ya allah! *alamak aku pose, astaghfirullah*

and no, dim sum tak termasok dalam carta ok,
regardless that i've read kat kolumpo ni ade 10
tempat bleh dapek dim sum fancy haha! *wink*

3. and in order to get that food, kene naik lrt le kan!

just a typical day dalam lrt kite yang sesak-bagak.

besenye dulu, kalu da kol 3 pm tu, mule la nak berebot naik lrt,
semate-mate nak pi param kat wangsa maju ke, kat gombak ke,
mane ke, abeh sume oghang kite tolak tepi, tak kire sape.

4. bukak pose dalam kete.

makaih, kot ye pon lapo tu kak, takkan sampai penoh boot kete.

ha, ni adelah insiden yang agak biase belaku.
walopun bleh balek koje kol 3, masalahnye
EVERYONE akan balek, so jem terok gile.

hence, allahumalakasumtu dalam kete jela kan?

5. cop tempat duduk kat fudkot bejam-jam.

gambo sekadar hiasan. sori ye akak-akak sume tu!

now, another thing adelah, acare mengecop 
tempat duduk kat fudkot, sebab nanti tade spot,
since everyone on earth will eat there too.

so, kalu bleh lepas zoho pon da nyebok cop spot ok.

so there you go! some of you might have faced
the same thing (and maybe you still do!), but
please realize it's what makes pose kat kl sangat best!

and before pare keyboard ustaz and ustazah bugs me,
yes, the best reason pose adelah untuk ibadah, boleh
tambah amalan, boleh buat kebaikan bersama keluarge
dan kekawan, boleh bantu oghang susah, boleh bagi
diri lagi sihat, dan pekare yang sewaktu dengannye.

sekiantimekaseh.
 

you're my diabetes! *call me*

kopi tawar pon leh jadi sodap ok!

well, it's common knowledge that guys
have multiple pick-up lines when it comes
to approaching the ladies le kan?

before this, the one that made me laugh
the most was this classic; "...did it hurt? 
you know, when you fell down from heaven?..."

*tepok dahi*

anyway, read about a new one,
as absurd and as embarrassing as it sounds,
i STILL have respect for anyone who tries this;

"...awak nampok manis, kopi saye pon tak pelu gule..."

that REALLY made my day LOL. credit weny.

asal emo sangat ni?

now, the thing about being shit old like me,
is that i am not in sync with what's going on
with the online world, and i'm horribly out of date.

recently i found out that they've added lotsa new icons
on whatsapp, and apparently they're called emojis or
emoticons or emo icons or whatever the hell it is.

...and i have no idea what most of them mean.

so, i've decided to put together some of these emoticons
that i am confused about, and i have attempted to put
meaning into them, as how i view it. so here they are;

so there you go! sekianterimekaseh.

anytime.

based on what i read on tumblr. i love it.

credit emmieramble.

can never.

i can understand apologizing for what
we've done, but i can never understand
apologizing for who we are as people.

mung tak ajak pung.

"...huhu ko ni tak ajak aku ponnn..."

now, how many times have we all been
showered with this bullshit of a line?
plenty. well at least in my experience.

if you find yourself not getting invited
to a party / meal / celebration / movie,
when it seems everyone else you know
just happens to be present, that means
either one of two things; either they
accidentally forgot to ask you to come,
or, the more likely reason is this:

...people just don't want you there.

there. i said it. here's a lemon for you to suck on.

loyal(shit)ty.

i hear words like loyalty being brandied about.

now, the thing about loyalty is, it shouldn't
be based on one party gaining everything
and the other party gaining absolutely nothing.

loyalty isn't a one-way street. and it shouldn't be.

if you're loyal to a tee, then usually you're ok with
not gaining anything out of it, but at the same time,
if the other party treats you like absolute garbage,
takes advantage of you, doesn't appreciate you and
what you do for them, well, that isn't loyalty.

that's BULLSHIT.

...it really is as simple as that.

quote of the day.

off 'how i met your mother';

"...it's just, everyday i think
i believe a little less, and
a little less, and a little less..."

- the philosophical ted mosby.

i know how you feel, ted. i really do.

capitalism fact of the day.

the collar is probably manufactured there. the cat is not. 

for someone who is a bit racist,
i find it rather amusing how fond
i am of 'made in china' products.

jejak kaseh(an) of the day.

one great friend is probably all we need. 

now, i've learnt earlier tonight,
that i may potentially have 28
common friends on fesbuk.

now, for someone anti-social
and as non-social networking
as i am, 28 is a huge, huge number.

i'm well aware that other people
tend to have hundreds or even
thousands of online friends.

first of all, i have no interest
in fesbuking, and i certainly have
no interest in having fesbuk friends.

and secondly, out of the prospective
28 people, i doubt that i'd actually
regard all of em to be actual friends.
and this is out of 28, let alone out of
hundreds and thousands of fesbuk friends.

here's a confession; when i left the country,
in my handover note to my family, i wrote
down numbers of only 16 people.

sixteen. out of the hundreds and thousands
of people i have met and have befriended
or not over all these years of my life.

bet you're wondering if you're on that list kan?

kihkihkih.

why i write.

oh yeah. this seems familiar, baby. 

off a post i read off another bloggy. credit zarine.

why do i write?

i would like to say;

i write because it's an outlet to my soul.
i write because it keeps me sane.
i write because i wanna share my stories.
i write because my brain feels hyper.
i write because i just love to.

and i write because someday i'll be gone,
and i'll have something nice and something
funny and intriguing to leave behind.

but that's what i'd like to say.
but i feel that this is the real reason
as to why i like writing on the bloggy;

...i probably just have bad handwriting.

friendship test of the day.

i was asked, "how would you know
if someone is truly your friend or
if that someone isn't really close?"

for me it's simple.

i'm blunt with my friends.
and you can be darn sure
that they are equally blunt with me.

if you find yourself tip-toeing around
someone, whether it be what you do,
what you say, what you share, then
chances are they're not your friend,
and more importantly, vice versa.

so stop wasting your time being around
people you dont wanna be around, and
stop hanging out with people who don't like you.

in the meantime, spend your precious time
around friends who you can be yourself with,
and who can be themselves when they're with you.

so if you're 50-50, be blunt and see what happens.

it'll be worth it.

mens what?

due to my rather random brain and
semi-hyperactiveness on a daily basis,
my colleague mentioned i should join mensa.

so what is mensa? you might ask.

it's a society made by high IQ people,
who are joined by other high IQ people,
in order to talk about erm, high IQ stuff.

so, in order to join, you can go and contact
your local branch of mensa (assuming your
country has enough high IQ people), you
are evaluated by certain tests, and if you pass,
you pay an annual fee and walla! you are in!

few issues about this though.

first of all, i do not wish to take a test
consisting of weird IQ stuff because i don't
want to be officially certified as being dumb.

secondly, the results will come after 6 - 8 weeks.
now, if people were really smart, i dunno why
it takes so friggin long to figure the scores out.

and finally, i'd rather talk about oghang nek besikal
jatuh dalam longkang ke, nampok kuceng tegolek ke,
rather than all the high IQ stuff in the world, ok.

i'm sure having a high IQ and talking about high IQ
stuff is a nice thing to have and do, but i'd much
rather talk about and be around normal, fun people.

and they don't need a test to say you're ok. *wink*

(matter of) fact of the day.

c'mon, let's face it. anyone who says
"there's no such thing as a stupid question"
knows full well that this is not true at all.

i used to get stupid questions all the time.

...matter of fact, i still do.

part-AYY!

part-time cat, part-time bear.

when i was growing up, we didn't have
internet or mobile phones and there were
no such thing as social media.

hence we never had online self-descriptions.

and when i was growing up, most people
had fixed jobs like teachers, policemen,
grocers, shopkeepers, and so forth.

hence not many had part-time jobs.

but nowadays, i realize that we have a multitude
of online self-descriptions on social media,
who usually work part time jobs!

for example;

part-time lawyer, part-time vet,
part-time model, part-time dentist,
and full-time lover of life!

erm yeah. okay. good for you!

online self-descriptions. wonderful stuff.

and we can deny it as much as we want.

another lyrical posto, this time off
the lovely "almost is never enough''
by ariana grande & nathan sykes.

 i lurve this track!

office politics of the day.

now, any working person knows that in work,
sometimes there is no running away from office
politics and the crap that comes with it.

but here's the thing, at the end of the day,
no matter how much ass kissing and back-stabbing
and moral tossing you do, as forward as you can go,
the truth is, it lowers you as a human being,
and noone rates and respects you as a person.

and from my experience, if you are honest
and you try to learn and you work diligently,
and you mean well, the rewards will come to you.

...you don't have to be a whore to be noticed at work.

trust me.

enlightenment of the day.

off an episode of the fantastic 'community' series;

"...when you really know who you are
and what you like about yourself, changing
for other people isn't such a big deal..."

- abed. on conforming to others' expectations of us.

salah spot.

i'm a huge fan of alien flicks
and monster flicks and robot flicks
and anything to do with earth's invasion.

but the thing is, i realize that perhaps
earth may not be the best place for them to pick.
simply because we have so much crap going on.

i mean, if you think about it, if you're gonna
start a new colony and rule a new world,
you'd probably pick one which is less crappy right?

why pick a place where we have pollution la,
crazy people running around killing other folk la,
strange weather happening here and there la,
people who cant live without phone apps la,
people who cant live without drinking fancy kopi la,
and on top of all that, there are lotsa other species
targeting the same spot, like godzilla, the decepticons,
the dark elves in marvel comics, aliens from star trek,
the minions from despicable me, etc, etc...

cam ramai kot yang sebok nak serang dunie ni ha.
pastu kalu da bejaye le kan, tetibe kene takeover plok
masalah duniawi, seperti GST and rege tol mahal.

so there, earth would be the last place i would invade.

seriously.

the best part.

and the best part is always;

"...ampuni aku,
rahmati aku,
tutuplah aib-aibku,
angkatlah darjatku,
berilah aku rezeki,
berikan aku petunjuk,
sihatkan aku,
maafkan aku..."

...how about that.

over.and.over.

it's the start of the weekend here!
and you know what this means,
lots and lots of watching movieeesss!

now, since i don't go out here like the
way i do back in kolumpo, i hafta rely
the flicks that i already have.

and luckily enough for me, i'm just one
of those people who can just watch the
same thing over and over and over again.

so here's a list of my 10 over and over movies;

 1. ratatouille
 2. just like heaven
 3. die hard with a vengeance
 4. the day after tomorrow
 5. a knight's tale
 6. the fast and the furious franchise
 7. prince of persia
 8. you've got mail
 9. constantine
10. the lord of the rings trilogy

so what's YOUR over and over movies?

vine-yard.

so i've been super hooked on vine lately,
i just love watching the vid clips of nice
singers and sports and animals and such.

so needless to say i feel inspired to start
posting videos of myself on the vine as well.
singing ones, to be specific.

now, after a while, i start to scrutinize
all these cool singing vids on it, and now i
realize i have some obstacles to overcome;

1. i do not play the guitar.
2. the background will only be my room.
3. i dont look like a member of one direction.

so there. so much for my vine singing ambitions. LOL

(non) compliment of the day.

now, every now and then i become very excitable,
and there are days when i am full of mischief at work.
so today we meet our new team member and she goes;

"...i have met a zillion engineers, but you are. a bit different..."

im not sure it was a compliment. hmmmph.

big dreams.

another lyrical posto, saw this sung by
will gittens on vine, but it's originally
off "blue jeans" by lana del rey.

 

 

'nope. bad choice' of the day.

a few months ago a couple of people from
the company invited me to be a part of a
corporate video regarding ethnic diversity.

so the idea was to sit in front of the camera,
then proceed to greet everybody in base mesia,
you know, like, "hai korangs sumer, cayala beb!"

needless to say i respectfully turned it down.

...i cannot think of a WORSE guy to represent mesia.

buat malu kaum je ok. hahaha!

'erm ya ok, so what?' of the day.

now, there's this big commotion about the latest
curved smartphones and curved super UHD tv's
and people are falling over themselves to go get it.

and nowadays there's a zillion other apps out there
and new chatting apps and new photochat apps
in order for you to stay updated all the time.

i'm very happy to be comfortable in my own daily life.

...i don't have the need to be updated or even up-to-date.

level of the day.

in life, there are times when you hafta make decisions.
decisions that would change you and your family's life.
decisions that you must consider very carefully.

now, imagine your friend asking YOU to help decide it.

...i feel very, very, honoured.

good. bad.

 

combos! combos!

in life we make plenty of investments, and one of the best
investments i've done in recent times is this;
a brand new tasty, crunchy, sandwich maker!

so, over the past few weeks ive been experimenting
on various types of crap you can stuff into the sandwich,
and all kinds of combos you can try out at home!

but of course, not ALL these combos work.
so here is a guide from my two weeks' time,
and what is a good idea, and what is a bad idea;

good idea : peanut butter
bad idea : peanut butter + cheese
good idea : cheddar + mozarella
bad idea : cereal + mayo
good idea : cereal + peanut butter
bad idea : cheese + kit kat
good idea : tuna + mayo
bad idea : tuna + peanut butter
good idea : cereal + ferrero roche
bad idea : cereal + eggs
good idea : eggs + baked beans
bad idea : baked beans + kit kat
good idea : peanut butter + ferrero roche
bad idea : ferrero roche + mayo + eggs
good idea : eggs + mayo + baked beans
bad idea : peanut butter + baked beans + mayo
good idea : choc syrup + peanut butter
bad idea : eggs + choc syrup + tuna
very very very bad idea : baked beans + choc syrup + mayo + cereal

so there you go. stuff you can try at home.
quite frankly there's lots more stuff i wanna try,
but to be honest i'm sick and tired of sandwiches now.

stapidnoskooling of the day.

now, the great thing about being in a foreign country is,
when you try to speak the local language and fail miserably
and embarass yourself, people don't think you're stupid.

and some people might find it to be really cute.

excellent! hihi.

at all.

as of last night, my lovely laptop
has been showing very clear signs
of it getting to the last of it's life cycle.

this is not good, people.

this is not good at all.

more all.

now, the problem with having a moral debate with me is,
truthfully, at times i have very questionable morals,
and because of that, i'll do whatever it takes to win.

3T#4

three things i've learnt over the past week;

1. in order to get people to do your bidding,
the best way to approach this is, instead of asking,
make them think that it was THEIR idea in the first place.

2. if you bring your own bio-degradable shopping bag
every week if you do your groceries, this means you are
excused from participating in earth hour. yes, it's true.

3. if your team's professionalism is questioned, you BETTER
take it personally. and you have two choices; either feel sad and
give up, or work even harder to prove all them bastards wrong.

"...good for you!..." of the day.

being a person who always look at the positive side,
i think it's really nice that eventhough jay-z has lotsa
problems in his life, a beeeyoootch isn't one of em.

good for you!

quote of the day.

now, i can be very determined when it comes to
getting what i want done when i want it. so this quote
from the tv show "house of cards" comes to my mind;

"...freddy believes that if a fridge falls off
a minivan, you better swerve out if it's way.
i believe it's the fridge's job to swerve out of mine..."

that's right. get out of my way.

lord of the (office) rings.

if you watch the lord of the rings,
there’s an uncanny resemblance
of the movie to the typical office life.

for example, we all know that frodo

is the one who becomes the ring-bearer
and saves the whole of middle earth.

however, samwise is the biggest

reason why frodo manages to go
through all that crap on the journey.
it’s just like work. you burden all dat crap,
and someone else takes the bloody credit.

and just like gollum, there’s always watak

yang ade adeee je nak menspoilkan sume
keadaan and tries to bite your finger off.

and just like treebeard, mesti ade watak

oghang kat opis that speaks and works
sooo damn slowly you wanna strangle them.

and just like legolas, ade je watak mamat

yang rupe cam pompuan. and you can’t
tell samade die tu jantan ke betine.

and just like merry and pippin, ade watak

budak-budak nakal that always ade ade je,
eventhough ko tak jempot pon pegi lunch.

and just like gimli, there’s always someone

who seems like the official office midget.
or they’re really hairy. or both.

and just like gandalf, there’s always watak

someone you can’t get rid of, eventhough
they’ve fallen off a big cliff somewhere.

and just like aragorn, mesti ade watak

oghang yang lagi cun / hensem / rambut best
than we can ever hope to be.

and just like arwen, mesti ade watak minah

yang actually tak buat pape pon, and yet in the end
die yang jadi queen ok. sebab die hot.

so there. lotr. a perfect illustration of office life.

 

see saw.

here’s a piece of advice, people.

view people as who they currently are

and not how you think they could be
and certainly not how you want them to be.

…trust me.

S.F.F.

i love short flight friends.

i’m one of those people who tend to

get excited to find out who sits next
to me during a (relatively) short flight.

and short flight friends are the best.

just like a new blossoming relationship,

they are on their best behavior,
and they tend to treat you very nicely.

during the short flight they are able

to share the funniest or most interesting
thing that happened to them lately.
and maybe they share the same hobbies
or support the same footie team with you.

so within that short space of time,

it isn’t enough for them to start annoying you,
and for you to realize they are psychos.

and once the flight is over, you end up

having a nice memory of them, and you’ll
be happy for having the best short friend ever!

it works. give it a shot!
 

extra juicy juice.

bought this UHD tv the other day,

and i must admit, part of the appeal
was to see what the fuss was all about.

…sameee je rupe gambo tuh aku nengok.

now, when you label something as “ultra”,

it invokes expectations of awesomeness,
like ultra magnus* and otromen taro.

but no. it looks exactly just like HD to me.

so once again I feel duped by stuff that is

written on boxes, like serbok hayam goreng
“extra crunchy” or “premium” mushroom soup.

…bloody adverts.

* i bet most of you have no idea what this is!

or else.

doing good is always a positive thing.

like giving money to charity organizations,

help clean beaches or forests or parks,
and inviting your friends over for lunch.

you then feel a sense of happiness and warmth, right?

you’ve helped ease a financial burden,

you’ve helped preserve the environment,
and spending time with friends is a delight.

but imagine an alternative scenario where you HAD to.

minimum of a 100 bucks per month without fail,

or else you will be labeled as inconsiderate.
minimum of 10 beaches or forests or parks per month,
or else you will be fined by the department of forestation.
minimum of 4 outings with friends per month,
or else your friendship would be in question.

so now, the charity has become a financial burden to you,

you start to see environmental preservation as tiring,
and spending time with your friends has become a chore.

so why should we enforce these things

and make it negative and involuntary

when it’s a great thing to be done with an open heart?

...that’s the problem i have with religious enforcement.

going around to nab people and giving out fines for

berpakaian kurang sopan dan tak menutup aurat
and god knows what else has been brandied about.

i dunno about you, but i’d much prefer people to

practice religion or improve themselves on a voluntary,
open-hearted manner and not by force.

religion is the purest piece of self-involvement ever.

and that’s the embodiment of enforcement. do it. or else.

age old question of the day.

i pride myself as being an avid fan of the
lord of the rings trilogy and books, however,
one thing really has escaped me and i just wonder.

how old is gandalf actually?

tweets of the day.

a friend recently tweeted;

"...the benchmark that i set for myself
and people around me is high. that's why
i tend to get dissapointed easily..."

in which, my response was;

"...i tend to view most people as idiots.
and it almost NEVER dissapoints..."

see? it's all about setting the right benchmark ok.

judgy net.

everyone doesn't enjoy being judged kan?

be it at work, when you have tried hard,
be it with family, who you tried caring for,
be it with friends, who you support.

but imagine getting judged by social apps.

if you notice, there's always these 'suggestions'
by social apps, and it's labelled as 'people like you',
'things that might interest you', 'you should follow', etc.

so, in my case, for 'people like you',
they've listed down complete strangers /
oghang rupe serabai gile / people who
have absolutely no indication of having
anything in common with you whatsoever.

for 'things that might interest you',
they've listed down crappy stuff like
gardening / automotive / banking.
well NO, all those things does NOT
interest me whatsoever either ok.

and for 'you should follow', they've
lsited down stuff like fitness / travel/
environmental groups. macam tau je
aku ni da gemok / ske dok umoh /
ske make fun of 'green' people.

bloody judgemental internet. hmmmph.